A tough time in the mummascribbles house – Mummascribbles

I wrote about my darling kitty Millie in a previous post here. It’s been a few months and after lots of tests and a brief spell away from the vets, yesterday I took her to the hospital because she had what I thought was a fluid buildup, she was finding it hard to breathe properly and her heart was pulsing at a considerable speed (we could visibly see it). They did an initial examination, confirmed the fluid buildup and told me they suspected heart failure and they wanted to keep her in for tests, including a heart scan. Last night I got confirmation that it is indeed heart failure and that she was being looked after by the cardio team.

Last night and this morning was so weird at home. Even though she has been only living in the bathroom (her choice!) for the last few weeks, it was still weird not seeing her when going in to the loo or having to move her out of the way to get in the shower. The other half automatically went to fill her food and water up this morning as well.

I received a voicemail this morning from the cardiologist who is looking after her, explaining everything and telling me that she’d had a comfortable night and some lovely morning cuddles and about half an hour ago I spoke to her and she went through everything with me.

Basically, it’s not looking good. It looks like it’s her heart muscle that isn’t working properly and the right side of her heart is failing to work correctly – that’s the side that pumps the blood around her body. She’s been on medication to reduce the fluid and to try and regulate her heart. They are now going to drain some of the fluid as she’s very uncomfortable and are monitoring how she’s doing on the medication. They also suspect that the little thing they could see bouncing around on her heart is the start of a blood clot and for that, there is nothing they can do.

I should receive an update from the cardiologist later on today but I think by the sounds of it, I might have to make a very hard decision. She hasn’t been right for a while, she hasn’t been herself for weeks, she hasn’t been outdoors for weeks either and she’s just not the cat she used to be. She’s only six, very young to have such a condition but I have to ask that if she does miraculously make it home, is it fair on her to keep her alive just to live in the bathroom for a little while longer until the heart failure or blood clot kill her? Or should I let her go now, while she isn’t suffering?

The hardest thing being a pet owner is having to make these decisions and I’ve never actually had to. We haven’t had a major pet loss since our dog died when I was a teenager, and that decision was made by my parents. I didn’t expect to have to think about this decision when my cat is still so young. We get such animals thinking that we’ll have a good decade with them at least but this time, it doesn’t seem to be.

So far, Zach doesn’t seem to realise that she’s not there but I’m sure he will at some point, especially if all her things suddenly get put away. He’s only two so I don’t expect him to understand or to be upset but if what seems like the inevitable does happen, I will explain that kitty is gone, she wasn’t very well and she’s not around anymore. I hope that it will sink in so that he doesn’t spend months asking after her or looking to see if she’s done a poo!

For now, I shall wait for the next update from the hospital. For now, she is still with us, battling something nasty, but still our beautiful Millie.