Being mummy again – Mummascribbles

At the end of today, I will have 7 working days left in my job before I finish to have baby number two. Due mid September, I am taking two weeks annual leave before my maternity leave officially kicks in at the end of the month. To say I am excited about finishing would be an understatement. I have been on the countdown for weeks now but I can’t actually believe how fast it has come around. I remember being in discussion with a friend who was pregnant and she only had 3 weeks left when I had about 16. It felt like it was going to take forever and suddenly the end is staring at me in the face, I am starting to hand things over to the newbie who started on Tuesday and who is taking on the two events that I have been working on and I am winding down, letting people know that I am heading off. I am also enjoying the last chances of a sausage bap and hot chocolate for breakfast!

Those of you who are regular to my blog will know how I feel about being a full time working mum. For those who haven’t read any of my past posts…I hate it.

I have spent the last three years flitting here, there and everywhere. Whether it’s in the car on the nursery runs, to mum’s and back three times a week or having to go away for an event for days – I have hated it. Ok, so hate might be a strong word. Let’s say I hugely dislike the amount of time I have had to spend away from my boy and whilst I do enjoy my job, being a mum is far better. Far harder, but far better.

And so in just over a week, my dream will become a reality. I will be packing up the bits on my desk, switching my out of office on and heading out of the office doors for the last time.

On that first Monday morning there will be no 5.45 alarm – at least not an annoying one anyway (well, I guess Mummy, mummy, mummy, I need you can be a bit annoying but you know what I mean!). Instead it will be the other half’s 6.15 alarm (or potentially later since it’ll only be him having to get himself ready and not help me get Zach out of the house!), the hope that Zach will sleep through it all and give me a little lie in (doubt it), and maybe some snuggles in bed (doubt it again!).

It will be me giving him his breakfast but not having to make him rush. He used to just have brekkie when he got to Nannie’s but that recently changed and he now likes to eat at 6.30ish while I am getting ready. But instead of me having to hurry him up and do a million other things, I’ll be able to sit with him, like I do on a weekend, while I drink my tea and secretly munch on my choccy biscuit!

There will be no rush to get to nursery at 7.30 on the dot. Again, no more rushing around. If he wants to eat his breakfast it doesn’t matter. I can get him there at 8, heck I can get him there at 9 if we are having a particularly lazy/bad morning. No rushing!

There will be no relying on trains to get me home in time to pick him up. Instead I can avoid the rubbish traffic by getting him a little earlier if I so wish, on the two days a week that he will still be spending there.

On the days that we are home, we can go out on his bike. We can go and feed the ducks. We can go to the soft play up by his nursery (it’s nice and quiet in there and I can’t lose sight of him!). We can go and see my mum for lunch, she can come and spend days with us. We can do things that I have dreamed of doing with him for the last three years.

When I went back to work 3 days a week, he was 10 months old. When it went up to 4 days he was one year and when I went full time, he was 18 months. Since then, I have only really spent weekends and very tired mornings and evenings with him. I have not been the mum I always dreamed of being, not been the mum I always wanted to be. I have been ratty through tiredness, moody through always being in such a rush to get somewhere.

I am so looking forward to being that mum I thought I would be. I have no doubt that it is not going to be easy. He is approaching four and to say he likes to push my buttons would be another understatement! But I am going to be there for him, there to help him, there to teach him, there to watch him bond with his new baby brother. There will be tantrums and tears (probably from both of us), there will be times when I am desperately trying to get us all out of the house, there will be moments of snuggles and playing and kisses. There will be times when I am absolutely desperate for Daddy to come home!

But that to me, that’s what being a mum is about. It’s about the good and the bad but at the end of the day, being the best you can be for your children.

And so as I start this new journey of our lives, introducing another little person into the walls of our family, I cannot bloody wait. And neither it seems, can Zach – for he is counting down with me. He keeps asking me if today’s the day that mummy is home and when I tell him how many days are left, he counts on his fingers and says;

So on this one you go to work, this one you go to work…and this is the one where you stay home

For how long I get to be full time mum, I don’t know. I won’t think about that though. For now and certainly for the short term future, I am going to try and be that mum. I am going to try and relish in it and try and make up for the last three absent years. This time is all about Zach and it is all about Zach’s little brother. For them to feel happy, loved and for me to feel needed by my two boys.

Bring it on!