Done or not done…thoughts after baby number two – Mummascribbles

Oscar is now six weeks old and he is growing faster than I ever remember a baby growing! He was 7lbs 10oz at birth and last week weighed 10lbs 13oz so by now, I reckon I have an eleven pounder on my hands. He is smiling, he is gurgling and he is awake much more than he was even last week. He has outgrown his newborn clothes and is in 0-3 months, is in the next size nappies and he is already looking huge in his pram and Snuzpod. I look at him and wonder where my second baby is disappearing to. Before I know it he’ll be weaning, crawling, walking and talking. 

As I have been clearing through his outgrown clothes, I can’t help but think about what happens next. I had a conversation with a friend just the other day about whether I want another one or not and she said she can totally see us doing so a couple of years down the line. But, it’s not in our plans. And I don’t know how I feel about that. 

I have always been a maternal person. I have always wanted at least two children. And now I have them. They are perfectly beautiful and I couldn’t imagine life without them. 

But there is a niggling part of me that tells me I am not done. Even though I am currently pretty knackered from having a four year old and a 6 week old (even though Oscar is a damn good sleeper, he’s got a cold at the minute so it’s been a rough couple of nights!), the thought of having more children is inviting! 6 weeks after giving birth (and still healing from it!), I can’t believe that those thoughts are even in my head. 

I just love babies. I love my babies. My babies are beautiful and they light up my life so why wouldn’t I want to bring more into the world? They say three is the magic number right? Although in terms of children, it’s a pretty awkward number. It changes the dynamics of absolutely everything. A bigger car, a bigger house, those family tickets that no longer apply because you are no longer two adults and two children. And as for juggling any form of work and three children – well that’s just impossible isn’t it?! I am already wondering how I am going to juggle two and work and I am only two months into my maternity leave! 

But even though I know all of that, I still can’t stop the longing to keep breeding! And so my biggest thing right now is, what do I do with all of the stuff that Oscar is outgrowing? When Zach was outgrowing them, we knew we were always going to try for another baby and so everything went up into my sister’s loft (we didn’t have one at the time!). But even though I’d love more children, I do know that it’s highly unlikely to happen. And so what do I do with it all? Do I pop it up in the loft just in case? How long do I keep it up there before realising that it’s just not needed? Do I give it all away because in all likelihood there won’t be any more children? How on earth do I make a decision?! 

I am obviously extremely happy with my two boys. I don’t want them to ever think that they weren’t enough for me, they truly are and if we never go on to have more, that will be absolutely fine. But I just love babies. I love children. I love my children. Even though I currently often have the look of a harrassed mother of two, I would do it all over again and again! 

And so I guess the answer is that I am not done. I may never be done. That longing for more children may always be there. I will probably always be broody. I will probably always have aching ovaries every time I hear a small baby cry. 

I guess for now, as Oscar grows out of even more stuff, I’ll just pop it away, up in the loft, for a period of unknown time – until I am in a better place to decide what to do with it all in the long term. 

In the mean time, feel free to tell me what a ruddy nightmare it is with more than two children. Tell me I am silly for even wanting any more. Convince me that actually, two is the perfect number. Tell me that really, I will be grateful for being able to hand other people’s babies back to them when they start crying instead of having to work out why they are so distraught. 

Go on. My other half will be eternally grateful if you put me off forever! Even though he is a complete natural himself!