Feeling emotional – Mummascribbles
I was feeling all emotional this morning. Literally on the brink of tears and giving myself a headache by trying to hold them back for I am at my desk and I have no real reason for it, other than the fact my little boy is growing up. It’s ridiculous isn’t it? I’m sad because the little human that I created is getting big. I mean, it’s inevitable isn’t it? We give birth to a baby and we know that they are going to grow bigger.
We are told to make the most of it because in the blink of an eye they’ll no longer be a baby! And we don’t quite believe it do we? Until it happens. Until suddenly you look and wonder where the time went and how your baby is no more. Instead you have this little person who walks and talks, makes decisions for themselves and doesn’t need you quite as much as they did.
It’s the 1st of September and in 25 days he is going to be turning three.
This morning, I packed him off to nursery wearing big boy pants. As you may or may not know, we recently started our toilet training journey and it has been going so well, better than I could have imagined. When he’s been wearing pull ups, they have come off practically dry as he’s still been asking to go the toilet. When he’s been in pants, he’s been remembering to ask. Over the weekend, we had just the one accident. When he was busily eating dinner the other day, he suddenly had the urge to go and told us. This morning while we were upstairs, he needed a wee and bearing in mind the bathroom is downstairs and he was still wearing his night-time nappy, he waited and held it until we got to the toilet. And yet I felt so nervous about sending him to nursery in pants! Nervous about the less than 10 minute car journey. Nervous about whether he would remember to ask and whether the staff would remember to remind him. And so it’s that, along with the fact we are at the start of his birthday month that has left me feeling incredibly emotional.
Something else that has also made my heart swell is his development of tenderness towards us. He has never been the most cuddly child. I’d often have to snatch cuddles and kisses but that has all changed. He now dishes out hugs constantly. He kisses us all the time. And last night, while he was falling asleep in bed he said to me, ‘I love you mummy’. Often we’ll be sitting in the car and he’ll say ‘can I have a cuddle when we get home mummy?’. This is a very new thing for us and it just makes me burst whenever I get this reciprocated love – something else to make me emotional about!
I just can’t believe where the time is going. It doesn’t seem right that it is already September. The month where I have to think about birthday presents, a party, a cake.
My timehop app this morning reminded me of a status update I wrote which said that I could finally say I would be having my baby next month (he was due in October!). I remember the countdown until I could write those words. I remember the sudden finding out at 37 weeks that he was breech. I remember going in for my c-section and after a nerve wracking ten minutes, hearing my baby screaming the theatre room down (he was not happy to whipped out early!), seeing his beautiful little face, his tiny button nose, his little rosebud lips and his massively long fingers! He was perfect. Absolute perfection, even if he did have a little elongated head! I fell instantly in love and I have been ever since. He is quite simply the most beautiful little person and every day he makes me so proud.
And so in the lead up to his birthday, I have no doubt that I’ll have many a day when I am feeling a little more emotional than I usually would. Days where I wished he would just stop growing quite so quickly and days where I feel that I have to savour every little thing he does.
I love my boy.