Feeling stuck when you just can't change anything – Mummascribbles

Do you ever feel like things just aren’t how you want them to be and yet there is nothing you can do about it?

It’s that feeling of being stuck in something that you can’t get out of.

I thought that when I changed jobs in October last year, it would give me new motivation, a new lease of life for the job I once loved. And I do like it, I like my team, I like my boss, the location is pretty cool although further away from home. And yet, 7 months in, I’m still not feeling it. I haven’t got that love back, that passion that I used to have. There are days when I wonder if I did the right thing in leaving my old company. There are days when I really miss my old colleagues and especially my old boss. When I miss the familiarity of the place and people that I worked with for such a long time. They say change is good but sometimes I question whether the change I made was the right one.

And then there’s the feeling of just wanting to get out of it entirely. I have days when I think I would be so much happier working in a shop. Where there is no responsibility, where I can go to work, do the job, go home and forget about it. That’s what I want. I don’t want the stresses of responsibility, the stress of having to prove myself. That’s the problem with a new job, you have to go in and prove your worth.

The problem is of course, is that the jobs which come with far less responility, that are far closer to home, don’t pay enough.

And that’s why I’m stuck. I earn too much money. I’m not bragging, I don’t earn enough to brag. Every month rolls by when we’ve spent all of our money on the mortgage, bills and food shopping. But I earn too much to be able to give it all up for something completely different. And I don’t know anything else. I have spent 8 years training in the job that I do. 8 years I have been doing this and yet regularly I am questioning if I am even capable of it anymore. I am unable to earn less. And yet there isn’t another job that I could earn the same money in because I don’t have the experience.

It’s a horrible feeling. Going to work and wanting to be somewhere else. Having quite a successful career and wishing you were stacking the shelves of a supermarket instead.

I kind of long for more of a mundane life. One where I’m rushing around less, one where I spend a bit more time as a mother and one that doesn’t require me to think about my job and what needs doing while I’m trying to go to sleep.

But here I am, walking from Waterloo station to my office. Going to somewhere I don’t really want to be, doing the job I’m not really sure I want to do anymore and knowing that I am well and truly stuck in a position that I cannot get out of.

I could change company again. See if that helps. I could beg with my tail between my legs for my job back at my old place, where I was 100% confident in what I was doing and 100% confident in the people I was working with. But would any of that help? Would I feel any happier doing this job in another company? Ive already tried it once and I don’t feel any happier. Just maybe a bit worse that the discovery has been that actually it’s maybe not where I work but that I’m just not really enjoying the job anymore.

Like I say, stuck!

I feel better for getting that all out though!