Forgetting who we are and what we were – Mummascribbles

I’ve been thinking over the last week or so how the other half and I seem to have no time together. And then today I read two posts (here and here) linked up to Twinkly Tuesday and realised that we are truly not the only ones!

Ok so we have the evenings after we’ve managed to get Zach off to sleep but in all honestly it is not quality time. I can’t really remember the last time we had real quality time together. I think it may have been when we went to see Jurassic World a couple of months ago, but I’m not sure that you can class that as quality time because you can’t talk in the cinema! And then, instead of going out to dinner just the two of us, we picked Zach up and took him with us.

Everything we do is with Zach. Don’t get me wrong, I adore him and I savour every moment spent with him but I’ve been feeling a little like we have been neglecting us. Neglecting each other and neglecting the people we were before Zach came along.

It’s so easily done. As we both work full time, by the time we get home in the evenings, get Zach to bed and have dinner, it’s almost bed time. And at the weekend, all of our time is thrown into Zach. There is certainly an element of guilt on my part where I feel that having spent the whole week barely seeing our son, I shouldn’t be wanting time away from him at the weekend. I hate leaving him during the precious time that we get together and so we are in this circle where we know we should have some hours to ourselves but that equally I don’t want to miss out on any Zach time.

We are both on a bit of a burnout right now. Both extremely busy at work, I have regularly been working until 5.30 instead of five on non nursery days and the other half has been getting home at eight and missing out on Zach’s bedtime. With me being away last week for a couple of nights and another event happening next week which involves my not being home overnight, and with Zach waking up in the night (he especially likes to do this on nights when I’m away), the other half is literally a walking zombie. And I am not far behind him.

I know that we need some time together, just the two of us. It is both of our birthdays within the next two weeks (we were born 5 days apart!) and we will hopefully get a babysitter so we can have some time out to celebrate. Although this is slightly uncertain at the moment and he may well be coming with us. However, my mum has informed me that for our birthdays, we are doing something. Something that doesn’t involve Zach. And so we have a date. A date in the diary in which the two of us will be together.

I feel like we need to do this more often though. Maybe we need to get a babysitter on a Friday night and go over to the pub, just the two of us.

Maybe we need to get a babysitter on a Saturday afternoon while we jump on a train and meander through London exploring like tourists. Just the two of us.

Maybe on another Friday night we need to get a babysitter and go out for a meal.  Just the two of us.

Going out together, needing some time together away from Zach won’t make us bad parents. It won’t mean that we don’t love our boy and aren’t missing him at every moment. It just means that we need to take some time to remember who we are and who we were before we were parents. When we would meet after work and head to Soho for drinks and dancing. When we would take weekend’s away, go out for a meal on a random Wednesday night and spend a weekend watching movies. Because we are still the same people who enjoyed doing all of these things together. He is still him and I am still me. And just because we are parents, we shouldn’t forget that.

And clearly we have. Because tonight, when I had just got Zach off to sleep after dashing through the front door at half seven with him and being thankful that he hadn’t fallen asleep in the car, the other half walked in at 8pm with these.

And you know why he got them for me?

Because we have barely seen each other recently!

And that my friends, is why we need to make more time for each other. Although if I’m going to get flowers every time I may have to reconsider!