Guest post: Ruth Briddon, author of Being Sarah Chilton! – Mummascribbles
Today I have a guest post from the fabulous Ruth Briddon, author of Being Sarah Chilton: (A guide for all mums when the sh*t hits the fan).
Along with her fantastic writing, Ruth is a qualified Cognitive Behavioural Therapist & conducts Counselling sessions. She is a first hand survivor of Postnatal Depression and has been a guest speaker at local Children’s Centres promoting the importance of preparing mentally for your new career of parenting. Ruth now has a Your Plan B EBook which she firmly believes would have helped to avoid her depression if she’d had it available to her. She’s a mum to an 11 year old boy and is currently working on part two of the Sarah Chilton journey. I now hand you over to Ruth who is today writing as Sarah Chilton.
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I have recently applied to renew my passport. If you’ve read my first diary, you’ll be wondering; where I’m going and how have I managed to afford it? The sequel will reveal all!
I duly completed the forms and sent both mine and Johnathan’s off with more than a hint of excitement as it’s been a long time since I’ve been abroad, as you know, and 16 years since I last renewed my passport.
About one week later I received a text from HM Passport Office advising me that Johnathan’s passport has been processed and is on its way. However, and this is a big however, mine has been rejected because ‘your appearance has changed significantly since your last photo was taken’. You don’t say.
I was rather perturbed at the lack of compassion and tact from HM Passport Office; I am a woman after all, I offend easily, so assumed the letter was written by a man. A woman would have written something like ‘your hair is gorgeous, it suits you long, and you’ve not aged much at all, what’s your secret? Your skin is flawless, do you exfoliate? You just need to get another form signed so that we can process your renewal’. I wrote them a letter (but didn’t send it in case they denied me completely – I’m not stupid).
Dear Sirs
Thank you for your letter advising me that my new photo is nothing like the one I had taken 16 years ago. Without being rude, you are kind of stating the bloomin obvious. I was carefree then, had a lie in every weekend, had time, and energy, to exercise and hadn’t been to the depths of childbirth hell and back, or endured a 3 day labour and got divorced after realising I had married Lord Voldermort who had an affair with Hagrid.
Thank you for sending me another form to complete; however, the person who verified my photo (where I admit to looking way past my sell by date and could pass for a crack addict) will say the same – IT’S ME! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
I would very much like to know how you managed to renew my son’s passport without question. He wasn’t even 12 months old on his first photo, and yet this photo shows him a month off his 12th birthday. He now has hair, there’s no sign of sick and he was posing all on his own, no sign of my hands holding him up on this one.
Yours, most insincerely and very insulted.
Sarah (honestly, it’s me) Chilton
This made me ponder about how much my life has changed over the last 16 years. Thankfully, I had no idea my husband would have an affair throughout conception, pregnancy, birth and beyond, leave me for Fat Bird (aka Hagrid – honestly, you couldn’t make this stuff up) and a 5 month old, whilst suffering with undiagnosed depression.
I had a good life with Chris; we had some great holidays abroad, parties, had a lovely house, a lie in at the weekend which meant getting up at 10.00am and eating a leisurely breakfast – all of it, not part of it whilst mixing formula or sterilising. You get the picture. I admit to being quite insular and a bit judgemental of others. Not a nice trait to have.
September 2003 was when life delivered me a very cruel blow and transformed me in to the person I am today.
I will not lie, it took several years for me to recover from Postnatal Depression, anxiety and to accept that I wasn’t born to be the perfect mum. To love, like and respect myself was the key to a happy life.
I write this blog and feel so grateful – yes, grateful – for the journey I have been on. Thank you, Chris, for leaving me and allowing me to grow and blossom. I am a rose; beautiful, unique and proud to show my true colours to those who surround me and value me and you were the ivy, choking me and holding me back.
You have enabled me to find the real Sarah Chilton. I may have a passport photo that makes me look like a photofit from Crimewatch, and have aged perhaps not as gracefully as I would have liked, but I can stand up and be counted.
Hello everyone, my name is Sarah Chilton and I hate exercise, love wine, have a very dry sense of humour, and I’m not afraid to use it; I have amazing friends and, better still, I’m an amazing friend. To quote the wonderful Bridget Jones, ‘I will always be a little bit fat’ and never stick to a diet for longer than 3 days. Anxiety will forever be a part of my life but I now control it and not the other way around. I found depression depressing and will never let that dark cloud darken my door again as I’m fully armed to defend myself. For those of you who have read my diary you will know that patience and tolerance are not traits I possess, but that’s part of who I am.
Who knows what else will be delivered through the letterbox of life; in a way, it’s quite exciting, the trick is to embrace it, take up the challenge presented to you, learn from it and move on (and have a medicinal, and celebratory, glass of wine to congratulate yourself).
Yours,
Sarah (fab mum) Chilton xx
www.being-sarah-chilton.com
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You can buy the book Being Sarah Chilton: (A guide for all mums when the sh*t hits the fan) from Amazon by clicking right here.
If you think you may be suffering from Postnatal Depression, please don’t suffer in silence. There is help out there and Ruth is living proof of that. Go and see your doctor.
Ruth is going to be running morning workshops – M.A.D (Managing Anxiety and Depression). The feedback Ruth received from mums and dads to be was extremely positive and she was thanked for her candid approach and honesty at the thoughts and feelings she experienced during her depression.
If you attend Ruth’s workshops, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and be relieved that there is a way to help you help yourself recover and be in control. You are also guaranteed a laugh as Ruth’s approach is very down to earth and as humour helped her to recover, she believes it’s her duty to pass on the laughter!
There is a wealth of support for anyone suffering with PND. Here are just a few:
www.fathersreachingout.com
www.pandasfoundation.org.uk
www.mind.org.uk
www.apni.org
www.netmums.com