Like the old days

Yesterday was a day that I was reminded of how it used to be, back when I was on maternity leave or even the one day off a week I used to have when it was just me and my boy. I always thought that the initial going back to work would be hard. After 9 precious months off, going back was actually a lot easier than anticipated. I got to dress in normal clothes, talk to adults and do a job that I really enjoy doing. Back then, Zach didn’t really do much and I never felt like I was missing out on a great deal; he even saved his first steps for a Saturday so that I didn’t miss them.

It’s now though as he is speedily approaching 2, that I feel a constant deflation when I’m not with him. I know he has an epic time all week long; he spends 3 days with my Mum who he absolutely adores and 2 days in nursery which he loves. He is fine. He asks for me but he doesn’t spend his whole day sad and feeling like he’s lost a limb. That feeling is just for me. I spend all day wondering what he is doing, wondering what new things I’m missing (because there is something new every day now), and just feeling that I am missing out on my little boy’s growing up.

And so it brings me back to yesterday when his Daddy was out for the afternoon.

It was just me and him.

Just us again like it used to be.

We painted a masterpiece…

we threw sand over ourselves. we sat together.

we laughed…