Mummascribbles – A horrible parenting situation – Mummascribbles

I saw a parenting situation on the tube earlier that almost made me weep a little.

The doors of the train opened and a man was about to board with his two children, a little girl of about 6 and a boy of about 9. He had obviously picked them up from school, was taking them home and rightly so he was holding onto them – it’s a tube station and it’s dangerous. The boy was screaming at him to let go of his arm. They boarded the train and he continued to hold them so they didn’t fall over and the boy continued to scream at him and even began to kick him at the shins at the same time. The dad remained completely calm.

The boy then started telling his father that he was an awful father, a bad father, that he didn’t even think he was a father and even if he is he’s a bloody bad one (they were his words).

His dad remained calm and told him that he’d be talking to him at home, to which the boy replied, you will not be talking to me at home, shouted some more, started pushing his dad and cried a bit.

This all happened between two stations.

The whole time, the dad remained completely calm, completely in control, and still held onto him. He didn’t give in to the demands, he didn’t react to the abuse he was receiving, just stayed calm in what was a horrible situation in front of a train full of passengers.

Now, I have no idea what had happened prior to this, no idea of the background, of whether the child has any form of disability to make him act this way – to me he seemed like a perfectly normal boy that had a terrible temper on him but there may be some underlying issue there that I couldn’t see.

Despite all of this, I felt so sad for the dad. Really, really sad. It seemed that this clearly wasn’t the first or indeed the last time that this had or would happen and I just can’t imagine having that level of abuse thrown at me from my child. I also don’t know, in that situation, how the hell I would deal with it. He dealt with it amazingly, didn’t care that it was happening in front of a bunch of people and I hope that everyone on that train thought as highly of him as I did.

I wanted to smile at him. To tell him that no matter what was happening in that instant, that he was doing the right thing to be keeping completely calm. That I knew that he wasn’t reacting to it because that would make the situation ten times worse. That I knew that he was still holding onto his boy because if he let go, he’d have got his way, he’d have won the battle. That I knew if he gave in at that moment, he would never regain any of the respect (if there is any) that his boy had of him.

I wanted to pat him on the back. Tell him he is a father and probably a bloody good father. That there is proof in the perfectly behaved little girl he was holding onto who also didn’t react to her brother kicking off.

I wanted to tell him that I hope it’s just a phase. That I hope it gets better and I hope that it only happens every now and then and that when its all blown over, he has a happy relationship with his boy.

I wanted to tell him all of this because I put myself in his position and I put my other half in his position. I cannot imagine the hurt that I would feel if my son told me I was a bloody bad mother. I can’t imagine the hurt my other half would feel if he was told he was a bloody bad father. I also can’t imagine the utter embarrassment I would be feeling if my child was saying all that whilst kicking me on a packed train. I certainly would not have been as calm and collected as he was. I have no doubt I’d have been in tears.

So to that dad and any other parent who may have been in a similar situation. You are doing a bloody good job. We as parents strive to be the best we can, we don’t know how our children are going to grow up, what problems they may have, what tempers they will grow up with. All we can do is try to accommodate them in the best way we can. I truly hope that it doesn’t happen regularly but if it does, I truly hope that it gets better. I hope that everyone else on that train could see what a grand job you are doing and didn’t judge you at that moment. I hope your little lady gives you a big hug, because she looked like just the right person to remind you that you’re a loved daddy.

Take care Mr.

Love from a mum who knows you’re just doing your best.

Tags: Parenting, child, tantrum