Mummascribbles – Dear Zachary – I'm sorry again – Mummascribbles

Dear Zachary,

There is never a time when I don’t feel the mum guilt. When I was at work, it was all consuming. Then I went on maternity leave but being heavily pregnant meant I couldn’t really do much. Then I had Oscar and I couldn’t even walk properly for two weeks. Now, some days I am so tired that it’s just easier to allow you to spend the day watching tv or the iPad and then feel terrible about it. Mum guilt never stops.

There is another bit of it though that is pretty ridiculous but it’s there, always hovering. It is this blog. 

I started blogging when you were nearly two. This means that there isn’t a journey of your babyhood written on this site. It was the reason that I wasn’t going to write monthly updates on Oscar’s progress and the reason why I wasn’t going to write weekly pregnancy updates. So that you didn’t ever feel that there may be any favouritism (which believe me, there isn’t!). The latter I stuck to, writing an update roughly every four weeks. The monthly updates though, oh I love writing them!

I wish, I so so wish that I had discovered blogging earlier. When I first started, it was because of my frustrations of being a working mum – I needed somewhere to put my thoughts. Never did I know where it would take me and that I would realise how wonderful it is to have this online documentation of our family. Something for you and Oscar to look back on when you are older, hopefully not embarrased by it but happy that I did it. 

So I am so sorry that I didn’t start blogging when I was pregnant. Sorry that I didn’t write monthly updates of your development and only wrote something like that on your birthdays, looking at what you had done up until that specific age. 

If it makes you feel better, I think there are way more individual photos of you than there are of Oscar – most of his feature you pulling silly faces in them! I can also tell you that you first rolled just before 5 months, you first crawled at 8 months, you took your first steps two days after your first birthday and your first words were water and highchair! 

Lots of love,

Mummy
xxx

P.S. If you do want to know anything in particular and I can’t remember…just check back through my Facebook account. I may not have written it on the blog but absolutely everything was documented on there…if it still exists!