Mummascribbles – Mummascribble meets…Ian from I Will Strive – Mummascribbles

This week we meet Ian from I Will Strive. Thanks so much for taking part Ian.

Tell me a little bit about yourself and your family
I am Ian, married with 2 children, a boy aged 6 and a girl aged 2. We have our own business although I previous had a typical career climbing up the corporate ladder. My wife and I are both very driven and results oriented and so tend to fill every minute of every day, we even met through work doing business together before getting together.

I came from quite an old fashioned family with a grandmother who used to say “little boys should be seen and not heard” and that, together with the general approach to discipline, very much informed my parenting style. By contrast my wife’s background very much more emphasised allowing children the opportunity to push boundaries and express themselves, learn and grow and she has been a great influence on me. An area where we are absolutely aligned though is on taking responsibility for yourself and the value of hard work.

In our view parenting is not something people should just expect to be good at or just wing it; its not easy and it takes effort. I think we are constantly reviewing how we are doing, how the children are doing and checking if we need to change our approach. Most of all we want family life to be fun, supportive and loving.

What do you like doing to be you, when you are not parenting, working (if you do), or blogging? 
I have always been a cyclist at heart, even in the years when I didn’t ride much. The freedom, exhilaration and joy of rolling down country lanes, with the sights, sounds and smells is unbeatable.

What is your biggest achievement to date? 
It’s tough to try an pick out achievements as I don’t tend to hold onto the past. I tend to set goals, work towards them, have the satisfaction of achieving them and then move onto the next thing.

I could be a bit cheesy and say my children but they are still work in progress and I remind myself often I need to keep supporting and gently pushing them to be who they can be. I suppose I have lots of achievements, I have built businesses, passed exams, completed some very physically challenging events but most often when I look back the things that satisfy the most is having made a difference to someone. There are times when I’ve given people the confidence to achieve more than they thought they could or I once stopped at a car accident to help before the police and ambulance arrived – the driver sent me a thank you card a few weeks later for helping her and keeping her calm.

The other day my wife and 6 year old boy were just finishing up in a coffee shop. My son saw an “old” man looking for a seat / table and leapt up saying hurry up mom that man needs this seat. I was very proud of that.

From your own experiences, what do you find the hardest part of parenting and what is the easiest/most rewarding part? 
The toughest is dealing with tantrums, trying not to react or seeing them fall or fail at something. You always want the best for them and sometimes its fear or lack of confidence with new things that leads to mistakes, failure and or tantrums. The patience to look beyond the tantrum, the nudging along, trying to inspire confidence so they can do it themselves is tough.

The easiest part of parenting is just being. Sitting on the floor playing or just observing is fascinating. I love to just watch them and the wonder in their eyes and they see everything afresh, learning new things. Then of course the other thing is when you have struggled through the tantrums and (the children’s) disappointments when they get something and let go and do it for themselves and just fabulous. I think you always remember that first time riding a bike, or swimming; the moment when you let go and they just keep going on their own and the joy of the accomplishment they have.

Parenting in itself is no mean feat; how do you juggle everything you need to in order to get everything done on a daily basis? 
Planning, Diaries, teamwork, hard work about sums it up. As a couple we are lucky that we have our own business, but more so that we came together a little later and are absolute equals. We don’t have his jobs and hers jobs but each of us does whatever needs doing at the time. I learnt quite young that the best way to get things done was to start them (I often put on my best strong northern accent and say “nowt gets things done so much as starting!”) I think there are times when you are tired etc. and there always seems to be more that needs to be done; whilst we all need to prioritise and cut some things its often better to just get on a do it rather than(even inwardly) moaning about it.

One thing that has helped immensely is really focusing on who you want to be and what you want to get done. It’s why I set up iwillstrive.com. For many years my wife and I had set goals rather than new years resolutions; that is specific things we wanted to achieve in the year ahead. I set about 6 each year and only missed 2 in over 6 years!

It was when my boy got to 5 years old and really started trying to assert himself that I took all I’d learnt and developed it into I will Strive. Originally focused on positive parenting it has expanded but at heart it’s a simple concept.

I wanted to change my behaviour, to stop reacting to tantrums, take a breath and find a more productive approach; after all as my wife pointed out “he’s 5 he is not going to diffuse it!”.

So I made a conscious decision to adopt certain approaches. It was a good start but occasionally I’d slip so I wrote them down and started wearing a wristband – just something next to my watch so it would be there as a constant reminder – that really worked and still does.

Why did you decide to start blogging? 
I recognised the principles of I Will Strive apply to all sorts of goals and behaviours so set up IWillStrive.com and we have people using the bands for all kinds of reasons, from anxiety, to weight loss to working on relationships.

Tell me a bit about your blog? 
The idea was to provide examples and positive stories about the ordinary everyday things that, if we are honest, we all find tough. Partly I wanted to show people they are not on their own and partly give the techniques and support. So we have blog posts a bit about our story and also people can buy the wristbands if they want to and write their pledges on the site, privately or publically and get reminders and support messages. From the start so many people said “oh yeh I have that issue” or “its just like that in my house”. Even the designer of the bracelets, when I told him my story said “yeh I have exactly that situation with my boy”, how can I help?

What do you want your blog to achieve and where do you hope to see it go as it grows? 
The main thing is that people find our principles, techniques, process etc. useful. I get emails from people who have come to the site and made changes in their lives and are happier for it. That’s enough for me – we have other businesses so it was never about fame and fortune. The only disappointment I have so far is that many of the users want to keep their stories private. I totally understand why but originally I hoped there would be more stories that new people coming to the site would find useful or inspiring. Still its early days, only a few months in so lets see where it goes.

What advice would you give someone who is thinking about starting a blog? 
Just start, do it for yourself and express your passion. I have written everything from book reviews to magazine articles and I can tell you its very difficult to write about things you have no passion for. So yes you have an audience in mind and you need to understand what will be of interest to them but ultimately if you don’t have that passion you probably wont write well. Don’t worry about being a great writer, just do it, the more you do the better you will get. I guess that last thing is read. Read to learn but read for the joy of it – most great writers are great readers.

If you could have dinner with three people (dead or alive), who would it be and why? 

1. Robert DeNiro – he seems an interesting man who has been so dedicated in his career. The lengths he went to, to embody his characters in movies such as Cape Fear and Raging Bull were incredible. Now obviously a wealthy man with probably no need to work he has appeared in a number of comedies showing he is clearly happy to poke fun at himself.

2. Mozart – I suppose it could have picked other composers or even Bob Dylan and Paul Simon would be contenders, but I just love his music. Most of all I wonder what it is like to have those great pieces of music appear in your head.

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger – He has many faults but I read a book about / by him when I was a teenager and discovered that despite the thick accent he was quite an incredible individual. From his roots in Austria he travelled to California, speaking virtually no English, and made use of the talents he had, originally bodybuilding, but later in business. For me its an incredible journey and all through you see a man dedicated to the work required to get on.

I wanted a bigger table – there are so many other people. Marco Pierre White and Michel Roux for their passion for food, Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir regardless of their politics for their drive and success as women in what was far more a mans world. Some of the great scientists who saw the world differently, who worked tirelessly in the face of “current thinking” to change the way we view the world. Great writers whose words transport you to other worlds. My cycling hero Eddy Merckx or maybe the runner Emil Zatopek

Tell me three random facts about you 

1. My hand span is over 10 inches

2. I am the youngest of 4 children

3. When I was in my 30’s I decided to cut my (receding) hair very short on the basis that people would get used to not having any hair so they wouldn’t notice when I actually didn’t have any.

You can find Ian over at www.iwillstrive.com and also on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.