Mummascribbles – Why I'm not giving up breastfeeding so easily this time – Mummascribbles

I thought that I had breastfed Zach for six months, a mixture of boob and expressing until five months and then weaning him onto formula over a month long period. It seems that Facebook memories had different information and informed me that he had his first bottle of formula a just over four months old which meant that actually I may have stopped at five months. Honestly, I can’t remember – it was four years ago and by the time that I did introduce that first bottle of formula I was desperate, exhausted and totally ready for it. Ok, I was sad that our breastfeeding journey was coming to an end but when he started feeding every couple of hours throughout the day and night, I knew it was the best thing for both of us. And despite my sadness, it turned out to be the best thing, he became a happier baby and I became a happier mummy. 

I am now five months into breastfeeding Oscar. A very similar thing is happening…he is feeding regularly throughout the day and regularly at night. He also spends the whole evening asleep on me, alternating between feeding and sleeping, using me as a dummy. I am pretty knackered, the last week has seen my nipples pained…not as bad as those first few weeks but there have been times when I have winced as he has latched on, closed my eyes to get through those first few sucks and then breathed with relief as he got into a comfortable rhythm. But despite all of this, I have absolutely no intention of stopping anytime soon.

So why do I feel so differently second time around? Why am I not giving in as soon as I did with Zach? There are a number of reason that I think are contributing to it.

1. Ease
One of the things about breastfeeding both times is the ease of it. Both of my babies have taken to it like a duck to water and so it’s always been the easiest option. It is especially easy this time round as I just don’t have the time to faff around with bottles. Oscar is a really quick feeder, he always has been, which makes it really easy when we are out and about, or even at home and Zach is demanding more food! Oscar is also incredibly demanding and I’m not sure where I’d find the time to sterilise bottles!

2. Even if I wanted to stop, I don’t think Oscar would let me!
The little man has a serious attachment to my boobs! He point blank refuses to take a dummy and so when he is upset or tired, he uses me. I have no idea whether he would even take a bottle of expressed milk or formula but I have no doubt that he wouldn’t be particularly happy about it.

3. I love it
I loved it with Zach and I love it with this little dude too. At night when we go to bed, I go up ahead of the other half and Oscar, get myself ready and then Oscar is brought up and placed next to me for a feed. By this point he has normally just had his nappy changed and so is upset. When he is laid down beside me, he instantly flips himself onto his side in search of the boob that is going to settle him off to sleep. And honestly, my heart melts every time. Breastfeeding is such an amazing and wonderful thing and I often just watch him feeding and thinking how bloody clever our bodies are.

4. This may be the last time
I know that I previously wrote a post about how I don’t yet feel done in bringing children into this world but there is a huge probability that Oscar is my last child. That this will be the last time that I experience breastfeeding. The last time that I watch him fall asleep on my boob, nuzzle into me and get his food from me.      

And so, whilst I am in no doubt that Oscar is not ready to stop breastfeeding, it is absolutely certain that neither am I. Yes there are days when it is hard. When my boobs hurt and when just one time, I’d like for someone else to be able to give him a feed and maybe even relieve me for the evening by having them sleep on their lap rather than mine. But overall, for me, breastfeeding is a wonderful experience and whilst stopping when I did with Zach was absolutely the right thing for both of us, carrying on with Oscar is definitely the right thing to do. Although now I have discovered his first little tooth poking through – I might backtrack on all of the above soon!