One of those mornings! – Mummascribbles

I feel sad today.

This morning Zach pushed all of my buttons. The day started out so well. He was awake and in our bed when I came back from the shower, having cuddles with daddy, happy and waiting for the phone so he could have a quick watch of Justin’s House while I was getting ready for work. I propped the pillows up for him to make him comfy and he asked for the covers over him. It was all very lovely, serene, happy, peaceful.

We went downstairs, he did a big boy wee on the big boy toilet rather than the potty which is fab and then it all went wrong.

I tried to put his pull up on and he didn’t want me to. He wanted daddy to do it but daddy was busy in the kitchen making lunch and I knew he needed to catch the train so I persisted with trying to get the pull up on.

It was impossible.

On a writhing, crying, strong willed two and a half year old, it was impossible.

And so I gave in. I lost it, left him there on the sofa with one leg in the pull up, stormed off to the bathroom (which is downstairs), swearing on my way through. The other half stayed silent because luckily he knows how damn frustrating it is when Zach does this and I took a moment. I got my lunch together in the kitchen, went back into the front room and Zach was still laying curled up on the sofa where I’d left him, silent and sulking. I hovered by my bag for a moment and I saw him take a sneaky look over at me and return to sulking, showing me that he was still upset with me. Still knowing that ideally, the other half needed to catch the train, I tried again. He started up again immediately and the other half ended up having to get him completely dressed and therefore missing his train and being late for work.

I then discovered that there were no jumpers downstairs for him so I nipped upstairs. My goodness it was like I’d abandoned him. He stood at the bottom of the stairs in floods of tears crying out mummy, mummy, want a cuddle. It couldn’t have been any more different to how he’d been just moments before. Of course, he didn’t want mummy to put his jumper on though so daddy had to do that too.

Then it was time to leave and it all went wrong again. He wanted to get himself in the car. He wanted to keep the car key even though I needed it to enable me to drive. And then as usual he didn’t want to go to nursery. This is his new thing, actually telling me he doesn’t want to go. It goes a little something like this:

I don’t want to go to nursery mummy; I want to go back home.

He reeeeally knows how to play at my heartstrings. When we get to nursery he says:

Don’t get me out of the car mummy, don’t want to go to nursery.

Of course, I have to take him to nursery because I need to go and earn some money to pay for the new bunch of clothes I ordered for him yesterday!

Thankfully there were no tears at nursery unlike other days. I handed him over to his bestie Laura and he was deciding what he wanted for breakfast. As I peered through the window making sure he was still ok, Laura gave me a thumbs up!

And that was it. A seriously emotional morning where nothing quite went right. I then got the tube to work and as I was walking from the station to the office, I felt tremendously sad. I remembered back to him lying on the sofa upset with me. I felt bad for losing my rag, for storming off, for being frustrated with him. I felt bad for having to leave him at nursery even though I know he has such a fun day. I felt bad for not being able to take him back home like he wanted me to. And at that moment, all I wanted to do was give him a massive cuddle. But I couldn’t because I was in South London and he was in Hertfordshire. I shed a few tears because it was going to be another nine hours before I can give him that cuddle.

It’s seven-ish hours now.

I’m counting them down.

And you know what’ll happen? I’ll pick him up, he’ll be all excited and then we’ll arrive at the house to which the following will be said:

Zach: I don’t want to go home mummy, I don’t want to go indoors

Me: But where do you want to go?

Zach: I want to go back to nursery!

Toddlers ay?!