Parenting from 0-2: the realities! – Mummascribbles

I like to think that having been a parent for two years now that I have some idea of what is thrown at us parents between birth and toddlerhood. There are lots of books out there that focus on the developmental stages, when they should be walking, talking, their weight, height etc., but I thought I would give a little insight into the realities of raising a child in those first two years. Some of the below may have you thinking ‘what have I done’ and I am in no way trying to scare you at any point. I am simply here to provide my experiences. A kind of ‘from a parent to a parent’ guide. Obviously, parenting is different for everyone so please see this as a more light-hearted guide, all children do different things at very different times!

Birth
I can’t tell you what you will feel immediately after birth. All births are so different. I myself had a c-section and I bawled my eyes out when Zach was yanked out of me, tears of relief that he was healthy and tears of joy that he was finally here and that I’d baked a good’un. What I can tell you is that whether you spend that first night in hospital or your own bed, you won’t sleep. Not because you’re uncomfortable (though you will be!), not even because you can’t stop your baby from crying (though you might not be able to), but simply because you cannot stop looking at them. You will spend the entire night watching them, making sure they are breathing and taking in all their beauty. When I think back to that first night, I don’t think I even felt tired. I had fallen completely and utterly in love at first sight and sleep just didn’t matter.

Those first two weeks
I’m not going to lie to you here; those first two weeks are bloody hard. Once you get home, there is this immediate sense of oh my god. It was a bit of a shock for me after spending three days in hospital and when I got home, I felt a bit overwhelmed that suddenly I had this tiny little thing that completely and utterly relied on me. It didn’t last long, but home just felt different when we first arrived back there as a family of three. The following 14 days were probably the toughest and every person I have spoken to since, including very recently, have said the exact same thing. It’s highly likely that your baby will not want to sleep anywhere other than on you. The other half and I used to take shifts to stay up because Zach would just not sleep anywhere. He hated his Moses basket, he was too tiny for his cot and he wanted the warmth and comfort that he had been used to for the last nine months. The shifts had to stop when the other half went back to work because clearly, he could not stay up half the night!

The crashing point
It will come – no matter how amazing you think you are doing, no matter how on top of the world you feel, there will be a day when it all comes crashing down and you will find yourself in floods of tears. Myself and several others I have spoken to were hit with this around the three week mark. I didn’t see it coming; it literally hit me like a bomb.  It may be that your baby won’t sleep; it may be that your baby won’t stop crying, maybe they won’t feed, or they won’t stop feeding. It could be anything at any time. Mine happened on the other half’s birthday. He was at work and I had planned for my sister and her family to come over and help us have a tiny celebration at home in the evening as his mum and dad were away. I hadn’t anticipated my ‘breakdown’ on this day but Zach would not stop crying. All day long he cried and I could not stop him. I had no idea why he was crying and slowly throughout the day it got to me. It was one cry too many when I found myself sitting with him in tears. It wasn’t long until my sister was due round and I thought I’d be ok but I wasn’t, so knowing she’d finished work, I called her to see if she could make it any earlier. Upon answering the phone, she could tell my voice was shaky and when she asked those words are you ok, I broke and all she could hear at the other end was my tears! She came straight round except she got stuck in traffic and felt terrible that she couldn’t get to me sooner! In the meantime, my sister in law had turned up, seen my mascara streamed face upon me opening the door, given me a big hug and made me a cup of tea. She obviously didn’t know that I was feeling down, she’d mentioned she might come round and I had forgotten but it was incredibly handy that she did! So yep, that day will come and it will pass. Make a note to yourself that when it does happen, you are not a bad mother, you are not a failure, you most likely do not have post natal depression. You are simply an emotional, sleep deprived human being. Obviously, if such feelings do continue, head to your doctors!

The first 1st
Capturing your baby’s firsts are one of the most fun things of parenting. The first 1st will probably be a smile. There’ll be lots of times when it’s just wind and you’ll be sitting there thinking, was that a smile, but when they do their first proper smile, you’ll know! And then you’ll spend the next two hours trying to get them to do it again with your camera/smartphone at the ready! Zach did his first smile on the 5^th November when he was just under 6 weeks old. It was a corker!

Movement
Another first that will soon come along is that first roll and that’s when everything changes. You will be used to being able to leave your baby anywhere without them being in any danger. You can leave them on the changing table when you realise you’ve left the wipes over on the sofa and you can leave them on the sofa while you go and open the front door to the delivery guy who’s delivering the online shopping you did in the middle of the night feed or on the bed while you nip for a wee. Not any more. As soon as they do that first roll, you know that there is the potential for them to do it at any given moment and it’s at that point that you either have to remember to carry them to get the wipes and open the front door or leave them on the floor so you can wee!

Then there is the crawl – oh boy!! How do they learn to be so fast so quickly? Zach mastered the art of crawling at eight and a bit months and it’s been non stop ever since.  Suddenly, everything that is safe on the floor isn’t. Those wires over by the computer, they are playthings now! The cat toys that have happily been sitting there, mmm… they look good to eat!

Just when you’ve got everything out of the way and got used to them crawling…they walk, or like mine did, run! By the end of the day in which Zach took his first steps, he’d managed to walk the length of the hallway, and within days he could run. He hasn’t really walked since; he just runs everywhere and falls over a lot! And at this point everything needs to be moved up one step further, drawers and cupboard doors are now things that have to be opened and shut continuously because the noise they make is like a drum and it’s even more fun when they realise these things can be emptied. Then they keep growing and slowly reaching everything until there is simply nowhere to put anything and it’s time to teach them that they simply must not touch! There is only so much safety proofing you can do!

Talking
It is mega cool when your child starts to speak. Each new word comes and you encourage more. Soon, they start to put small sentences together and you are so happy with their development. And then they learn the word no…in context.  And you wish they’d never learnt to speak (ok maybe not quite!). Zach has made his no even more annoying by enhancing it in length to no-ah.

Zach, let’s change your nappy…
No-ah.

Zach, let’s get you dressed…
No-ah.

Zach, let’s brush your teeth…
No-ah.

Aaaaargh!

Which leads me to…

Bath time/tooth brushing/hair washing
Bath time goes through stages – we’ve had periods of time where he absolutely loves it and periods of time when he absolutely hates it. Sometimes he clambers to get out and sometimes he can sit in there until he goes wrinkly.

Tooth brushing was fine for a while when we first started, then he decided he absolutely hated it but couldn’t do it himself. Now he can do it himself but he doesn’t do it very well and doesn’t want us to do it for him and so every few days we have to hold him down and brush them (don’t call social services) or his teeth will go rotten.

Hair washing is and has always been a nightmare. He hates the water going in his eyes…he hates me putting my hand over his eyes.  He just hates it so we just have to get on with it very quickly!

Which brings us neatly to…

Tantrums
Don’t think that even if you have the most angelic child you won’t experience the tantrums. We’ve got off lightly so far but I am waiting for the moment he has an absolute meltdown in the supermarket aisle. Sometimes however their tantrum will be so funny, where they are being so overdramatic that you simply cannot help but laugh. You have to keep the laughter in though because if there’s one thing that will make a tantrum-ing child worse it’s being laughed at! When Zach is really upset with us for whatever reason, he now likes to stand folded into the wall with his arms over his eyes. Or sometimes, he curls up in the same position on the floor.

Naughtiness
Similar to the above, it will happen. Zach has always been a well behaved child but just recently we are noticing him pushing his luck and being a little bit on the naughty side. He hasn’t required the naughty step yet (or whatever tactic we will use when the time comes) but it is growing closer every day!

Sleep
This goes in patterns and is critical to be aware of as you may think you have it sussed but you never really do so just be ready. After months of being the perfect little sleeper, we are having real trouble getting Zach to sleep at night now meaning that we are eating dinner after 9pm and getting late nights or going to sleep on full bellies. When this happens, just remember, they used to sleep fine so they will do it again one day!

I’d like to now hand over to my other half who has given me some of his thoughts on advice to give to you all.

Remind yourself during the tough times to try and enjoy it. When you have to do stroke-y hand for an hour to get them to sleep, remember that it will not last and to make the most of the precious time spent, even if you are dead tired. When you have to say no to that night out socialising with friends so you can go home and look after your child, remember it’s not punishment but a privilege to spend time with your best friend.

Also, take it from us that whatever hardship is currently occurring, whatever the latest debilitating torture your little one has managed to think of this time, be it waking up in the middle of the night or suddenly hating bath time or deciding to bite you every chance they get, remember that it will end. Though you cannot see it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and typically it arrives just when you think you can take it no longer. If you hang tough then this too will pass.

Above all I would say that if you are lucky enough to have two parents for your child, that team-work is pivotal. Help each other; pick up the slack, push yourself to stay awake until dawn to provide your lover with that extra few hours sleep when it is needed. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other and let each other know when it is becoming too much, when you may need some extra special help for a little while and to return that when the situation is reversed. If you are a single parent then bless you, I have no idea how you manage and have nothing to give you except huge respect.

Finally, the good times far outweigh the bad times, even though the bad times seem to last longer. The times when you fill up so much with love that you think you are going to explode…those are the best.

Aww bless him!

If you parents out there have anything to add to this, feel free to leave me a comment