Peaceful parenting & the new me! – Mummascribbles

Today I have decided that I moan at Zach too much.

I feel like I am forever running around from here to there. I am tired, cranky and emotional but I must remember to not take this out on Zach.

It’s not his fault that I have to work full time.

It’s not his fault that I have to rush him out the door in the mornings to get him to my mum’s or to nursery in order to get to work on time.

It’s not his fault that he doesn’t understand the consequences of us leaving the house five minutes late and that mummy really doesn’t want to get stuck in traffic.

And it’s not his fault that when mummy is trying to cook dinner and he is asking to be picked up to see what she’s doing; that he doesn’t understand how difficult (and dangerous) it is to try and cook with a child in the arms!

There is so much more that I could put on that list.

So many more things that simply cause me to moan at him when really, there is no need.

Yesterday, I had to tell him off big stylee when he purposely walked over to a little boy at soft play and pushed him.

Yes, the nursery incident the other day (here) wasn’t a one off.

Apparently this is his thing.

Some children bite, some children hit.

Mine has just started pushing.

What made me the most angry (other than the fact that he did it in the first place) was that it was full of intent. The two weren’t playing together. In fact, they weren’t even really near each other. But Zach walked up to this little boy and with a face full of intent, he pushed him.

Luckily the child just stumbled.

Luckily, the mother didn’t seem to care.

But I cared.

This isn’t the son I have known for the last 2 years. The loving gentle soul. And so I told him off. I got down to his level and told him in no uncertain terms that it is not acceptable to push people. I tried to make him apologise to the little boy but he wouldn’t say the word. So I then sat him on a chair and at face level again repeated myself. All of this was done in a slightly raised voice. I wasn’t shouting (we were in public after all) but I wasn’t soft.

And you know what?

His sad little face, crumpled and sorry, made my heart swell and I could so easily have broken down in tears. I feel emotional writing this and just picturing that little face on my boy.

And so, I have been busy reading up on peaceful parenting on the website http://www.ahaparenting.com/ (thanks Google).

I also read this very interesting post on using the time out method by Christine at her Joyful Parenting blog which I fully intend on taking note of in my quest for dealing with Zach in a calm and peaceful manner.

Honestly, it all makes so much sense.

The most striking thing throughout the whole aha parenting website so far (I’ve only read a bit) is to put yourself in your child’s place.

For me, I have a toddler. He is only just starting to communicate with me verbally. He cannot yet tell me how he is feeling. He cannot tell me why he is doing what he is doing, but I truly don’t think me standing there moaning and shouting at him is going to help him at all. If anything, he is going to be scared of me and that is absolutely something I do not want to happen.

I need to be his protector.

I need to be the person he comes to when he is upset or troubled.

And also when he has an achievement to tell me about, something he’s done that he knows will make me feel proud.

And so tonight, I will leave work with a new mindset.

I will take on board everything that I have read so far.

Every time I get riled up (because I know I will), I will take a deep breath and remind myself that he is not yet 2.

It doesn’t matter if I’m 5 minutes later than I normally would be for work.

It doesn’t matter if I give him an extra few minutes to pull the wing mirror down and try with all his might to open the car door!

What matters is that he knows I love him and that he has complete trust in me to have his back, to come to me when he needs me and not be scared that I’ll shout at him for any old reason.

And whilst I won’t let him get away with blue murder (and that includes pushing children), I will remain calm and thoughtful, loving and caring and overall more peaceful in my parenting.

Wish me luck and feel free to share your peaceful parenting tips and techniques with me!!