The importance of friends – Mummascribbles

I’ve never been very good at friends. I have always had them, they have always been a part of my life, but quite often it’s at a distance. I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never been the best at communicating. It’s just something that I have never really been very good at. I’m not the kind of person that thinks about calling people for a chat on the phone – I much prefer meeting up in person and having a good old catch up.

Since becoming a mum it has shifted even further. Working full time means that I really don’t have much time on my hands. Before Zach, I would regularly meet my friends after work. We’d go to the theatre, we’d go for drinks or we’d go for a meal. It was a regular thing, especially when I was single. Since having Zach and returning to work, these things are not easily done. They should be, but because I’m the one who always has to drop Zach off and pick him up, I feel like if I organise things after work, I am putting people out – whether it be my mum for having to drop Zach home or the other half for having to do the nursery run by bus. Where the other half can decide at the drop of a hat to go out after work (not that he often does!), I just can’t do that. I often find it quite hard to drag myself away from Zach. I feel guilty for going off and having fun without him when our time together is so precious!

2016 marks the seventeenth year of being in my circle of friends. We met at college back in 1999 when we were teenagers embarking on our escape from school. I remember meeting my friend Sarah on the bus in the first week. Through meeting her and her meeting others, I soon found myself in this gaggle of people who used to sit at the back of the canteen, playing cards and getting into trouble for missing lessons because we were too busy having fun! The whole lot of us have been to several festivals together, some of us have been on holiday together and some have settled down together…including me and the other half (although it took him 12 painstaking years to work his magic on me!).

I have been so lucky to see so many of my circle of friends settle down. The other “college couple” got married a couple of years ago and then went on a year’s secondment to LA! One of our good friends met her man at work and married a couple of years ago, which was quickly followed by their gorgeous daughter. Another of my friends married her lovely lady in a festival style wedding and is stepmum to two kids! Another has bought her first house and is in a lovely relationship and another is expecting her first baby.

We have all grown up (as you do in the space of 17 years), we have all done different things – married, had babies, bought houses – and despite me not seeing a great deal of them on a regular basis, when we do get together it’s like we’ve never been away. There’s never enough time to catch up fully and quite often, Zach is there so I am having to multitask! But we do grown up things like go for a Sunday lunch in the pub or congregate round someone’s house. It’s a far cry from the raucous parties that used to take place but I think I prefer it.

I have decided though that I have to make some more time for them. Especially on a smaller scale, two of us going for a drink or three of us catching up over a meal. I am sure that in the times that I am not busy at work and relying on my mum to help out that bit extra, she wouldn’t mind dropping Zach home for me so I can meet them after work. I am sure that the other half won’t begrudge me a Saturday night out at one of their houses. Because despite not being the person that picks up the phone for a chat, I do miss them. I miss finding out what they are up to, how their other half’s are and what’s new. I miss the having a couple of glasses of wine over a pizza or watching a film with popcorn.

It’s so easy when you become a mum, especially a working one, to completely forget who you are. When you are busy at work and busy at home, sometimes finding the energy to even go out let alone have conversations can be really tough. It’s so important though to make the time and to find the energy. It’s my next quest in my 2016 goals – to make more time for me and to make more time for my friends.