The transition from only child to sibling – Mummascribbles

27 weeks into this pregnancy and I’ve been thinking about how Zach is feeling – how he is dealing with his mummy being pregnant and how he is feeling about becoming a big brother in just a few months time. It’s really hard to know what’s going on in his head because there is so much going on in there. Every day he is learning new things and learning how to deal with things and sometimes life must be really overwhelming for him.

He’s been really positive about the whole thing so far but I feel like I may have been taking this for granted a bit and haven’t actually considered the impact that this will have on him when baby does arrive. He talks about baby a lot, he still kisses my bump and tells me he loves it, he sometimes tries to feel the kicks but doesn’t quite have the patience to wait it out, pretending that he’s felt it when he hasn’t and he still seems really excited about the prospect of being a big brother. He has even been talking names with the staff at his nursery. At the beginning he wanted to call baby Ruth (I have no idea why!) and then when we found out it was a boy, he wanted to call it Miles after his best friend at nursery. He then took a different take on it and started calling it objects including table and bus. We haven’t actually discussed ‘proper’ names with him yet as we are still having those discussions ourselves. Well, I say discussions…we have two potential names and I prefer one and the other half prefers the other! We haven’t actually discussed it for a few weeks now so maybe we should put it to Zach for the vote!

Anyway.

Despite the random name choosing, the lovely bump kisses and getting involved with movement, he really does have no idea what it will mean to his life when baby arrives. He has seen other babies recently (one of our besties just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who we met last weekend at just 6 days old!) but it’s very different seeing one for a couple of hours and having one permanently living with you! So here I am trying to pre-think what will change for him so that I can be as prepared for any effect it may have on him.

Having me around
So, first up…mummy is going to be at home. I have been back at work for almost three years now and for over two of those years, I have been full time. For two years he has spent three days with my mum and two days at nursery. After the August bank holiday weekend, I will no longer be a working mum. There will be no more rushing around in the mornings, no more only seeing him for half an hour in the mornings and an hour in the evenings. He’ll still be going to nursery for two days and I might even send him to Nannie’s a bit but it won’t be for the same length of time he does now. Predominantly, he will be home with mummy. We have had a little tester these last couple of weeks as mum was on holiday and we survived and he was really happy but I have no doubt that it will still be a bit weird for him to have me around so much more than he’s used to.

Having me around but having to share me
Yes I’ll be around more than he’s used to but equally, he’s going to have to have to share me with another little person. I am going to be changing a lot of nappies and hopefully breastfeeding while Zach will be wanting me to play with him. I will of course try to be as flexible as I can but I know there are going to be times when I can’t do something that he wants me to do at that exact moment. There are going to be times when baby needs to come first and this is something that he is going to have to get used to. Especially when he wants to play tents!!

Sleeping
There is the obvious case of the baby may not sleep. He will be in our room but Zach’s is right next door. On the basis that in the mornings, he will happily sleep through the noise of my hairdryer, I kind of feel like it shouldn’t be an issue but what if baby keeps waking him and disturbing his sleep? Are we going to be a ridiculously tired family of four?

Then there is the getting Zach to sleep. Currently one of us has to stay with him until he falls asleep. I really want to get him out of this habit before baby comes but equally I don’t want him seeing it as something negative the baby has caused. For example, in his little head – mummy and daddy don’t stay with me at bedtime anymore because of the baby.  I don’t want any resentment there. Also, other than those nights where it’s a bit of a struggle, I quite like those nighttime moments, where he is drifting into his ‘dreamland’ and I kiss his little cheek, forehead or stroke his back. When we talk about what he might dream about, where he is going the next day, the favourite parts of his day that have happened. But then equally, I know that when the other half is out playing footie on a Tuesday night and I am home alone with both children, it’s not going to be an easy task to get Zach to sleep and have a newborn!

Jealousy
Having had our complete attention for what will be four years, is Zach going to be the jealous older sibling? Is he going to be jealous during the closeness of breastfeeding and when baby is cluster feeding. Is he going to struggle with the fact that baby is allowed to sleep in our room but he’s not. Will he completely not appreciate being sent off to nursery whilst baby gets to stay at home with me? These are all questions that have been swimming through my mind just recently.

Is he going to miss his Nannie
He’s spent the last three years with her so of course he is going to miss her. As I said earlier, we have just had two weeks with her on holiday and he was fine but long term, are there going to be days when he just wants to go there? It won’t be a problem, we can hop in the car and go over to her if she’s not busy socialising but I do worry that the amazing bond they have will be affected when he’s so used to having her there so much of the time.

The birth
Finally, I can’t help but worry about what effect the birth will have on him. I am hoping and praying that I get to deliver naturally however if this baby happens to be breech or if there are any concerns about it when I am in natural labour, I’ll end up with another c-section and be pretty useless for a good few weeks. It was fine last time round because Zach was a tiny baby and he spent most of his time feeding and sleeping. But how will I entertain a 4 year old if I do end up with a section? How will I be able to pick him up from nursery when I can’t drive?

I do know that this is all if’s and buts, but these are very possible scenarios that could happen for real. To aid my preparation, I have ordered a highly recommended book called There’s A House Inside My Mummy (the lovely Mrs H recommended this to me) and since I needed to make it up to a £10 order to get free delivery, I also ordered I’m a New Big Brother: A Pirate Pete book. I am hoping that over the coming weeks we can look through these books regularly and help the transition that he is going to go through with his new role as an elder sibling. Only time will tell if any of what I have written above will come into reality so all we can do is prepare him and hope for the best.  Knowing him, he’ll be absolutely fine and it’ll be me struggling with the transition!