Yes I am still bed sharing with my toddler! – Mummascribbles

It’s been a while since I have spoken about our sleep habits, and in particular, my bed-sharing with a toddler. In fact I don’t think I have written anything about it since I wrote the post about the end of our breastfeeding journey back in March.

I don’t think enough is spoken about co-sleeping and bed-sharing. So common it is in the lives of parents, but something that many keep a secret. But I am not here to keep secrets. I am here to be honest, to make others realise that this stuff does happen, and that it’s absolutely fine!

So, a bit of back story if you are new around here.

Oscar has always been a terrible sleeper. Well, not always. The first three months he slept like an absolute angel, and then it all went downhill for a very long time. When we put him into his cot, he would go to sleep but he woke up constantly. And then he simply ended up next to me in bed. This went on for aaaages! And then I had an idea about taking the sides off his cot, and when that worked a little bit, I decided it was time to put him into a single bed of his own, in with his big brother. It didn’t work though. I mean, he loved his bed. He was no longer sleeping in mine. But instead, he wanted me in his! And that is pretty much where I have remained.

He moved into his own bed on Good Friday 2018, so I have been bed-sharing with a toddler – in his own bed – for over a year now!

Now, Oscar’s sleep has improved dramatically. There was a time – a very long time – where he woke up every two hours throughout the evening and throughout the night. I do think that a lot of it was to do with the breastfeeding because since we stopped that, his sleep has got so much better. He mostly sleeps throughout the whole evening, and then tends to wake up just as I have got comfy in my own bed! I go in, he asks me to get in with him, and he doesn’t really settle unless I have got comfy because he knows I am then staying for the night! Yes, he is a tinker that one!

I won’t lie, at one point it was getting me down. I mean it doesn’t do my body any good being squished on the edge of a single bed while a toddler takes up more than half of it, and I often wake up in pain. I can’t sneak out of bed in the morning because he just wakes up, and of course, quite simply, I would just like to spend more than the odd night in my own bed. Because sometimes I do manage it – every few weeks he will sleep through the night and surprise me! But 99% of the time, I am in there with him.

The thing that got me down the most though, was it being only me that could put him to sleep every night. I felt trapped. I couldn’t go out at night. If I went out in the afternoon, I had to make sure I got back in time for bedtime. I felt like all of it was on my shoulders and it was upsetting. I wanted a bit of freedom.

And it came.

We discovered a few months ago that he is absolutely fine being put to bed by Daddy. Not if I am home – if I am there, I HAVE to cuddle him to sleep still. Daddy will not do. But if I am not there – well he’s fine. And that has meant that recently when I was out with my Mum and Sister, I did not get home for bedtime. Instead, I stayed out in London and I got home after the boys were fast asleep. A whole new level of freedom came my way!

However I don’t exactly go out very often, so most nights I am still bed-sharing with my almost three year old. But you know what? It makes him happy doesn’t it? It makes him feel safe and secure knowing that Mummy is right next to him. It means that if he wakes up, he pretty much falls straight back to sleep again because he knows he doesn’t need to call out for me. It makes him feel loved and safe and happy. And when I snuggle up to him. When he says to me, “get in with me Mummy”, and then “cuddle me Mummy” – well I absolutely melt. And as I wrap my arms around him, get comfy in the space next to him, and attack him with little kisses, I am so totally in love with him that I don’t care where I am sleeping! And then when I hear my biggest man breathing and stirring up above us on the top bunk, my love just doubles and I feel like the luckiest Mummy in the world.

I know that one day I’ll be permanently back in my own bed. One day he will sleep through every night without me. Heck, if he’s like his brother, he will LOVE sleep! But right now, he still needs me. He is still so little. I forget how young he is because he is so advanced for his age with everything he does. And while he still needs that nightly security, I am more than willing to supply it. Because let’s face it, he isn’t going to be requesting cuddles to sleep when he’s 20. Or even probably when he is Zach’s age! So I had better make the most of those gorgeous night snuggles while I can!

Are you bed-sharing with a toddler? Or even an older child? I would love to hear your stories 🙂

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