Dear Oscar…times are changing – Mummascribbles

Dear Oscar,

I usually save these letters for birthdays or half yearers. But I feel like the last few days there has been a massive shift in you, and it’s one I want to remember. One that is important. One that needs to be documented.

You see, you and I. It’s like we are one. Of course with me having been at home with you every single day since you were born (bar the odd few hours out), the one who has breastfed you into your toddler-hood, and the one who has put you to bed every single night; we were bound to be pretty close. But it has always felt like you are attached to my hip – even when we are at playgroup and you are with your friends, you have always needed to know that I am close – that I am still there. Followed me to the toilets, to the kitchens when I’ve been to clean my breakfast pot out, to the buggy when I’ve gone to get my money to pay. It’s just been the way it is. And it takes a lot for you to get close to others.

It’s taken you just less that two and a half years to be super close to Nannie-ie, despite you having seen her pretty much once a week since the day you were born. You will now sit and read books with her and give her kisses and cuddles. But with others, who you don’t see as often – you are still very distant.

In the last couple of weeks though, I have started to notice some major shifts in you when it comes to your attachment to me.

For starters, on Sunday night you went the whole night without feeding for the first time ever. I have never not had to breastfeed at night until Sunday. OK, so on Monday night you did have one in the night, but still – compared to how it was just a few weeks ago when it felt like you had decided that you needed to spend three quarters of the night attached to my boob, it’s serious progress.

And then on Monday, you fell asleep as I sat by the side of your bed – rather than in it cuddled up to you!

Ever since you stopped feeding to sleep, you have made me get into bed and cuddle you until you doze off – at which point I have to slowly extract myself from you until I have escaped without waking you. But on Monday you had other ideas, and you told me to sit on the floor and you drifted straight off to sleep. You were exhausted because you hadn’t napped, so I thought it might be just a one off.

But as I sit and write this post, you are upstairs sleeping after you fell asleep with me on the floor for the second time in a row. Is this a new thing? Is it a complete change to bedtime? Will it lead to you at some point allowing Daddy to be the one sat next to you? I don’t have the answers to those questions but god I hope it does!

In fact, a couple of weeks ago when you weren’t feeling well – whilst I was the one that had to put you to bed and cuddle you until you were asleep, every time you woke up (which was a lot because you had a really bad cough), Daddy came up and you fell back to sleep with him. That has never happened. Ever!

And just recently, you have been all about the Daddy. On the weekends you want Daddy to do everything for you. And when he’s working from home you want him. If we go to the park, he’s the one that has to push you on the swings. When we were walking around Paradise Wildlife Park at the weekend, Daddy had to carry you every step of the way! It’s a definite shift from you wanting Mummy to do everything for you.

And I have noticed at playgroups now, I can escape to the toilet without you even realising that I’ve gone anywhere!

It looks certain that you are becoming this strong independent person. You know your own mind – boy do you know your own mind. And with your new found independence, seems to be this new found confidence which seems to be leading to you not needing your mumma quite so much.

And I won’t lie. I love you so very much, but it’s a massive relief to know that things are changing. That maybe, just maybe at some point in the future when the girls ask me out for an evening drink – I might be able to say yes!

Of course, what I would really love most of all, is for you to sleep through the night. I think that would solve everything. If you weren’t waking up, you wouldn’t need anyone to help get you back to sleep. But you have always been a bad sleeper so I am not sure that is going to happen any time soon!

But, the most important thing is that changes are happening. You are so, so different to how you were just a few months ago. And it’s the little things that help to make the big things less of an issue.