I can but dream – Mummascribbles

Today I read a post by the wonderful Aby at You Baby Me Mummy, in which she listed five things that can make your dreams come true. The very first point she made was that even though everyone has dreams, the majority of us are immediately negative, thinking that our dreams can’t be achieved and thinking it’s all very unrealistic. I definitely feel like that 99% of the time so I’m sure a lot of you relate to what she is saying.

Further on down she mentions that rather than be jealous of those who have already succeeded in our dreams, we should be looking to them for advice, looking for what we can do better, and looking at where they have got their success from so that we can learn from it and build our own.

Reading that made me laugh a little because (and I know she’ll be a little embarrassed of me writing this), she herself is who I look up to. The kind of person I think I can learn from. The kind that will guide me to where I want to be, just by doing it herself.

She also said that we should share our dreams. That rather than keep it bottled up, to share it so that any support and encouragement can go towards us realising our dreams.

And so here I am, sharing my dreams. Because maybe if it’s written down, in a place that people read and somewhere I can refer back to, it might one day come true. And I can look back and say I did it. I made my dreams come true.

My dreams

I wrote a post recently about how I’m unhappy with my work. I still don’t know what it is (although I’m starting to think it’s the company rather than my dislike for the actual job), and I had some comments from people who feel exactly the same as me. That they feel stuck because there is a reason why they cannot leave that job, be it the benefits, the money factor, the not knowing what the heck they actually want to do.

I guess what I didn’t mention in that post is that of course I know what my dream is. Of course I know what I’d rather be doing than what I do now.

My dream is to be a writer.

There, I said it!

I want to write.

I want to sit at a desk every day and write. Whether that writing is in the form of a blog post, a review, a magazine article, a novel (ok I might be pushing it there!), that’s what my dream is.

If I’m honest, I think that has always been a dream. I have always loved writing. When I was little I loved writing letters and when I was at school I loved the projects where we had to write an article of some kind. It was the same at college and university. In whatever form I am writing, that is what I love to do.

I don’t even know if I’m very good at it. I know I’m ok, I have enough feedback on my blog that tells me I’m doing something right but I don’t know if I’m good enough to do it for anything other than a hobby. At this point, don’t feel that you have to leave me a comment telling me what a wonderful writer I am, a) I won’t believe you and b) I’d actually much rather constructive criticism.

I was out walking with my sister last weekend and she asked how my blogging was going. We got into a whole conversation about my actual writing and she was very nervous to tell me about something she notices sometimes in my posts. She said she didn’t want me to be offended and I said don’t be so silly, sometimes (especially when using my phone), I don’t notice things and sometimes when I’ve proofed something five times, it looks so normal to me that I might not spot a typo or a grammar problem. I told her that if she ever spots something, tell me. I would much rather know where there is a little typo than it sitting there with me not knowing. So yes, constructive criticism always welcome!

Anyway, I digress.

Back to my dream. That dream of sitting at a desk and writing all day!

I can see it in my head. I have a complete visual picture of what life would be like if my dream came true. Since it’s not going to happen overnight (if at all), I’ll pretend that it’s when Zach is at school.

I get up in the morning, do the school run, have a quick chat with the other mums and then head back home where I have a little office (or corner of the room), where there is my desk. On that desk is a gorgeous Macbook (this is a dream right?!), a photo of my gorgeous little family, a little pot of freshly cut flowers from the garden, a pretty notebook, some pretty files, a couple of magazines (for creative purposes obviously), and a coaster for the regular cups of tea! Jess from Mummy of Boy Girl Twins has it spot on in her home office post!

I work for a few hours writing. In this particular dream I have a couple of blog posts to write, a review or two and a couple of freelance jobs that I have to do. I have notes, lists and idea bubbles scribbled all over my pad. I have a cuppa and keep at it, with music playing in the background to keep me company.

Lunch comes along and I might have made a date with my mum, or another school mum, sister or friend. In the afternoon, I get creative again, if not writing more posts, planning the next lot, researching, making more notes. I’ll do some admin, checking and responding to emails and social media fun.

Suddenly the alarm goes off (after there’s been another tea break of course), to remind me to do the school run. Off I go to get my little man and out he comes running with his friends to tell me all about his day. We might stop off at the park on the way home, we might go straight home and play in the garden. I’ll cook some tea, we’ll do any homework/school projects, then Daddy will come home in time to eat and join our fun until it’s bedtime for the little man.

We’ll catch up on our day together, watch some TV and no doubt I’ll be on my phone, doing any blogging and social media that is the norm!

We’ll go to bed and wake up to another day of my dream world.

And that right there. That is my dream.

And I know you are thinking, really, it’s not as dreamlike as that! And I know that you are completely right. Every job has its downsides. There would be deadlines to meet, people to answer to, worries about where the next payment is coming from and God forbid the dreaded writers block!

Nothing in life is simple. Every job comes with its own stresses and worries, but I can think of nothing I’d like better than to do this.

And of course, I have started. Whether I’ll get there or not is a different matter. But almost a year ago I made the jump into blogging. The jump into discovering what I love and using the year to develop my skills, to get myself known and to make connections that might one day come in very useful.

I have at least started. And I can but dream. That is all I can do.