Lockdown 3 is so much harder – Mummascribbles

I mentioned this very briefly in my Living Arrows post earlier this week, but I know I am not alone in thinking that this lockdown is so much harder than the first. I saw a post on Instagram this week that said “remember back in the Spring when we all said how much harder this would be in the Winter”. Yeah. I said that. And yes. It was true. It is so much harder this time round.

I think back to those warm Spring days longingly, when I could open the back door and sling the boys out in the garden. I know that I am very fortunate to have a garden and that not everyone does, but even then it was far easier and much more pleasant to go for a walk round the block or to the nearby park. Now it is like a flipping marathon of putting coats on, hats, on, gloves on, wellies on. It takes at least half an hour to get us all out of the house! And even then they moan that it is cold!

The main challenge of course is the home schooling. I mean it was tough first time round, although in the beginning Zach was well up for it. But it was a lot easier back then. There was limited amount of work coming from school, we were pretty much left to our own devices most of the time and only had small amounts to complete. This time is completely different. We have at least three pieces of work to each day. English, Maths, and another subject like Science. But sometimes there is more. Assemblies, phonics, extra English work. And by god it takes bloody ages. I have to sit with Zach the whole time, reading through the work, encouraging him to get it done, helping when he gets stuck. And for the most part, ignoring Oscar which makes me feel like the worst Mum in the world. I do get him doing Reading Eggs, I do have some pre-school worksheets for him. But it is so difficult trying to do the things with him at the same time as I am helping Zach, and of course Zach’s work takes priority because we have to hand it in every day.

I have a lot less patience this time round. I am rattier. Lose my cool very easily. I try so hard every day to not end up shouting at the kids but they seem to just push my buttons all the time and purposefully push me over the edge. I have zero motivation too. Like I know I need to start exercising again but I really can’t be arsed. I know I shouldn’t eat all the biscuits but I can’t help it. I want to write more but I can’t find the words or the inclination. I dunno. I guess I am just lost. From the minute I wake up in the morning to the minute the kids go to bed, I am switched on to them. Tuned in to their many needs. So by the time I sit down in the evening, all I want to do is slob in front of the sofa. I couldn’t even tell you what I like doing right now now. You know, stuff for me. I keep thinking I should start reading my pile of unread books but during the day I don’t think I could concentrate over the noise of the kids, and in the evening I’m just too tired! I feel like I am on a treadmill of wake, parent, slob, sleep, wake, parent, slob, sleep.

As I said at the beginning of this post, last year in lockdown 1, the boys spent a lot of time out in the garden. I spent a lot of time in the garden.  It was lovely. Those first couple of months, we didn’t even take the kids out. There was no need – they had everything they needed in the garden, and the Country park was so busy all the time. It was safer to just keep them at home. Now we can’t spend loads of time in the garden. It is too damn cold. We do go out there to play basketball and football, but after a very short while they (and I) are moaning that they are cold and come back in again. Whereas last year they would use all their energy throughout the day, now they are not. We have been over the Country park more this time with them, but it is so stressful. Particularly on the weekends when everyone is piling over there. No-one seems to bother about social distancing. We move out the way and they just carry on by. Sometimes they walk into our paths. Joggers are the worst. Just the worst. They have literally no care at all.

This week we have changed it up a bit as we realised it is much quieter over there in the week, so I have taken the boys over there a couple of times and we’ll most likely avoid it on the weekend as a family. Which is a shame really but it just doesn’t feel safe.

Overall, I think I, like everyone else, am just totally done in with this pandemic aren’t we? I mean I was talking to my Mum and she commented that it is hard to remember what life was even like. We have been fortunate that we have still been able to see her because we are her support bubble, but we just miss so many people. I miss my Sister, Dean misses his family, the boys miss their Cousins and Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents. It feels so unfair that they are having to live through this horrible time and are missing out on so much stuff.

And of course there is the wedding. It didn’t happen last year and the way things are looking, it most likely might not happen this year either. We haven’t postponed as yet, not really knowing what to do. We are basically at the same place we were last year when we had no idea whether it would go ahead or not. It is just so shite!

So yeah. Lockdown one sucked but almost a year later, lockdown three is so much harder. For so many reasons, but mostly because we have been doing this shit for almost a god damn year. And we have no idea when it will end. Yes there is the vaccine but every time we see positive things about that, the virus goes and changes a bit and gets bloody worse.

Anyway. Enough of my moaning now. I just know that everyone is really feeling it this time and I know it helps me when I know I’m not alone. So I am here to tell you, you are not alone.

We’ll get through this.