maternity leave Archives – Mummascribbles

Going back to work after maternity leave is not easy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been off – six weeks, six months, a year, or whether you’ve been forced back financially or have chosen to go back; leaving your baby in the care of others is not easy. I went back to work when Zach was nine months old. I had no choice as we quite simply could not afford to live without my salary. I always knew that would be the case but part of me hoped so much that it wouldn’t be. I have now been working again for two years and throughout that time, things have changed and shifted. I wanted to take this time to share with you my advice for returning to work.

Check out all of your options
I am very lucky that I have a man who loves spreadsheets. He literally has every single incoming and outgoing finance on a spreadsheet. He works it out so that we pay equal amounts into the joint account and that we have equal amounts of money that we have to spend each month. This spreadsheet was created before I went back to work and he had calculated our options financially. It was when I sat down to look at this spreadsheet that I discovered that we wouldn’t be much worse off if I went back to a four day week. Yes we’d be a bit worse off but not enough that it outweighed the benefit of Zach having a day at home with me each week. Make sure you assess all options, work out all of your finances, and maybe you can make it work for you.

Ease yourself in gently 
Remember that when you are on maternity leave, you accrue all of your holiday that hasn’t been used during your time off. Some people like to whack this amount on immediately at the end of their leave. I opted for slightly different as I took one day holiday each week until it was mostly used up. This meant that for four months, I was actually only working a three day week and that I had two wonderful days each week that I was home with my boy. It also meant that despite me going back when he was nine months, I didn’t have to put him into nursery until he’d turned one (reason in next point!).

Look at all childcare options 
I wrote a post all about my experiences of finding the right childcare. If, and I know this is a big if, but if there is a family member that is willing to help you out with childcare – use them. Not necessarily because it’s the cheaper option (although childcare is ridiculously expensive), but because for however many days that family member has your precious child, it’s a day when they are being looked after by someone who loves them almost as much as you do. On those days you can phone/text for updates, they may send you photos and videos and you can call and actually speak to your child. Like I say, I know that not everyone has this option but from experience, having my mum look after Zach three days a week (the reason he didn’t have to start nursery until he was one!), is the best thing ever. Remember too, if they go to nursery, you will pick up a child who is so excited to see you and who may bring home masterpieces like this…

Don’t go back on a Monday!
Seriously! Monday is the worst day anyway, but to go back on a Monday after a long absence is just cruelty to yourself! I was due to start back on a Wednesday but typically ended up with an appointment on that day to have some abnormal cells removed after a dodgy smear test result and so my first day back was a Friday! It was brilliant! One day back and then the weekend! Try and start back mid-week if you can, it’s much easier!

Be prepared for it to potentially get harder
You might not find this but I have found it gets harder as time goes on to be a working mum. It’s not weird, you are not alone. When your child is still a bubba, still not doing a lot, it’s actually slightly easier to leave them. When your child is nearing three and is so blimmin interesting that you want to spend all of your time watching them, that’s when it gets harder. That said, just remember – you have less tantrums to deal with at work (unless you have a diva boss!).

Don’t be too hard on yourself
I need to listen to this but of advice myself! Going to work and leaving your child is hard, but it’s made even harder if you punish yourself for doing it. I punish myself all the time. Sometimes I cry when I leave him at nursery and I can hear him calling after me. Sometimes I cry when I’m just walking down the street and I see lots of mummies with their little ones out having fun. I am so so silly to do this because no matter where he is, he is having heaps of fun. It’s going to be impossible not to feel that mummy guilt, especially at the beginning. Just try to remember that you are doing this for the family, for them.

Change job
If you are unhappy in your job you will feel ten thousand times worse about having to leave your child. Make it easierfor you, find somewhere more flexible, with better hours, more parent friendly. I changed jobs last October. I still run events but I’m away a lot less. I used to go away for anything between 3-5 days whereas now, it’s mainly overnight stays. Yes I work slightly longer hours but I get paid more and am away less. I’m still not 100% happy though so I’m keeping my eye out for other even better opportunities.

Ask for it all
Seriously, all your management can say is no. I never thought I was going to be able to go part time in my old job, but I put in the request and they said yes.

In my new job I asked for more money and flexible hours before I accepted the job and they said yes!

If you don’t ask, you don’t get!

Treasure the moments at home
Make the most of every single weekend. Go out on adventures, stay home and paint with them, whatever it is, don’t waste the time. If your house is a tip, it doesn’t matter! Spending the time with your little one is far more important than a bit of dust!

Good luck if you are heading back to work anytime soon. And if you’ve already gone back, is there any advice that you would add to this?

I’ve been sitting thinking today about how much I miss maternity leave. I’ve been back at work for a long time now but I still think back to those wonderful days when Zach and I were at home or when I was part time and had one or two days with him per week, just he and I. I’m always jealous of everyone who goes off to have a baby and experience such a special time!

Things I miss:

Walks
We used to go out all the time. I often put him in his pram and walked anywhere between 5-10km depending on how fit I was feeling! The regular fresh air for both of us was wonderful and I’d get us home, he’d be asleep and I’d very quietly make a cup of tea and treat myself to a slice of cake while he finished his nap!

Parks
We went to the park a lot. There was one not far from our then flat and the other half would always get sent photos of Zach developing his swing and slide skills. It was a good base to find out how quickly he developed, one minute he couldn’t climb the steps up to the slide and suddenly he could!

Classes
We didn’t do a whole bundle of classes but we did go to baby sensory regularly and we loved it so much. It was wonderful to see him develop there, to start exploring the sensory world and see him using new skills. Even when I went back work, I still had baby sensory days off! He goes to a weekly music class now but my mum takes him and so I just get the report from her as to what he has done, what songs he’s sung and what instruments he played! I’ve managed to go a couple of times when I’ve been on annual leave and it always brings fond memories back of being able to take him regularly.

Playgroups
There was a morning playgroup that I discovered not long before I went back to work and we went a few times. I loved watching him play alongside the other children while mummy had a chat with some of the other mummies.

Appointments
Bit of a weird one but I miss being the one to take him to appointments. Twice I have had to ask my mum to take him to the doctors about his eczema (this morning being one of them), but I always feel like it should be me taking him to the appointments. Even though they were a pain in the bum some of the time, I miss the regular visits to the health visitors to get him weighed! It helped that they always gave me good news because he was a greedy little bubba!

Mummy friends
One of the biggest things I miss is my fellow mummy friends. My antenatal girls who used to meet regularly either at someone’s house or in the John Lewis café at Westfield, Stratford and those that I met through Baby Sensory. They are all still there, I just see them a lot, lot less than I did back then and I miss them and their beautiful children.

Sleep cuddles
Oh I miss those sleep cuddles. When Zach used to fall asleep on me and rather than try and put him down, I would simply sit there and enjoy my boy snuggling into me.

Counting down
I miss counting down the hours until the other half came home. Sometimes because I was tearing my hair out but mostly because it was so lovely having him walk through the door, home to his family and the mess! Nowadays, he beats me and Zach home most of the time!

Maternity leave was the best!!