Work Archives – Mummascribbles

Going back to work after maternity leave is not easy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been off – six weeks, six months, a year, or whether you’ve been forced back financially or have chosen to go back; leaving your baby in the care of others is not easy. I went back to work when Zach was nine months old. I had no choice as we quite simply could not afford to live without my salary. I always knew that would be the case but part of me hoped so much that it wouldn’t be. I have now been working again for two years and throughout that time, things have changed and shifted. I wanted to take this time to share with you my advice for returning to work.

Check out all of your options
I am very lucky that I have a man who loves spreadsheets. He literally has every single incoming and outgoing finance on a spreadsheet. He works it out so that we pay equal amounts into the joint account and that we have equal amounts of money that we have to spend each month. This spreadsheet was created before I went back to work and he had calculated our options financially. It was when I sat down to look at this spreadsheet that I discovered that we wouldn’t be much worse off if I went back to a four day week. Yes we’d be a bit worse off but not enough that it outweighed the benefit of Zach having a day at home with me each week. Make sure you assess all options, work out all of your finances, and maybe you can make it work for you.

Ease yourself in gently 
Remember that when you are on maternity leave, you accrue all of your holiday that hasn’t been used during your time off. Some people like to whack this amount on immediately at the end of their leave. I opted for slightly different as I took one day holiday each week until it was mostly used up. This meant that for four months, I was actually only working a three day week and that I had two wonderful days each week that I was home with my boy. It also meant that despite me going back when he was nine months, I didn’t have to put him into nursery until he’d turned one (reason in next point!).

Look at all childcare options 
I wrote a post all about my experiences of finding the right childcare. If, and I know this is a big if, but if there is a family member that is willing to help you out with childcare – use them. Not necessarily because it’s the cheaper option (although childcare is ridiculously expensive), but because for however many days that family member has your precious child, it’s a day when they are being looked after by someone who loves them almost as much as you do. On those days you can phone/text for updates, they may send you photos and videos and you can call and actually speak to your child. Like I say, I know that not everyone has this option but from experience, having my mum look after Zach three days a week (the reason he didn’t have to start nursery until he was one!), is the best thing ever. Remember too, if they go to nursery, you will pick up a child who is so excited to see you and who may bring home masterpieces like this…

Don’t go back on a Monday!
Seriously! Monday is the worst day anyway, but to go back on a Monday after a long absence is just cruelty to yourself! I was due to start back on a Wednesday but typically ended up with an appointment on that day to have some abnormal cells removed after a dodgy smear test result and so my first day back was a Friday! It was brilliant! One day back and then the weekend! Try and start back mid-week if you can, it’s much easier!

Be prepared for it to potentially get harder
You might not find this but I have found it gets harder as time goes on to be a working mum. It’s not weird, you are not alone. When your child is still a bubba, still not doing a lot, it’s actually slightly easier to leave them. When your child is nearing three and is so blimmin interesting that you want to spend all of your time watching them, that’s when it gets harder. That said, just remember – you have less tantrums to deal with at work (unless you have a diva boss!).

Don’t be too hard on yourself
I need to listen to this but of advice myself! Going to work and leaving your child is hard, but it’s made even harder if you punish yourself for doing it. I punish myself all the time. Sometimes I cry when I leave him at nursery and I can hear him calling after me. Sometimes I cry when I’m just walking down the street and I see lots of mummies with their little ones out having fun. I am so so silly to do this because no matter where he is, he is having heaps of fun. It’s going to be impossible not to feel that mummy guilt, especially at the beginning. Just try to remember that you are doing this for the family, for them.

Change job
If you are unhappy in your job you will feel ten thousand times worse about having to leave your child. Make it easierfor you, find somewhere more flexible, with better hours, more parent friendly. I changed jobs last October. I still run events but I’m away a lot less. I used to go away for anything between 3-5 days whereas now, it’s mainly overnight stays. Yes I work slightly longer hours but I get paid more and am away less. I’m still not 100% happy though so I’m keeping my eye out for other even better opportunities.

Ask for it all
Seriously, all your management can say is no. I never thought I was going to be able to go part time in my old job, but I put in the request and they said yes.

In my new job I asked for more money and flexible hours before I accepted the job and they said yes!

If you don’t ask, you don’t get!

Treasure the moments at home
Make the most of every single weekend. Go out on adventures, stay home and paint with them, whatever it is, don’t waste the time. If your house is a tip, it doesn’t matter! Spending the time with your little one is far more important than a bit of dust!

Good luck if you are heading back to work anytime soon. And if you’ve already gone back, is there any advice that you would add to this?

Do you ever feel like things just aren’t how you want them to be and yet there is nothing you can do about it?

It’s that feeling of being stuck in something that you can’t get out of.

I thought that when I changed jobs in October last year, it would give me new motivation, a new lease of life for the job I once loved. And I do like it, I like my team, I like my boss, the location is pretty cool although further away from home. And yet, 7 months in, I’m still not feeling it. I haven’t got that love back, that passion that I used to have. There are days when I wonder if I did the right thing in leaving my old company. There are days when I really miss my old colleagues and especially my old boss. When I miss the familiarity of the place and people that I worked with for such a long time. They say change is good but sometimes I question whether the change I made was the right one.

And then there’s the feeling of just wanting to get out of it entirely. I have days when I think I would be so much happier working in a shop. Where there is no responsibility, where I can go to work, do the job, go home and forget about it. That’s what I want. I don’t want the stresses of responsibility, the stress of having to prove myself. That’s the problem with a new job, you have to go in and prove your worth.

The problem is of course, is that the jobs which come with far less responility, that are far closer to home, don’t pay enough.

And that’s why I’m stuck. I earn too much money. I’m not bragging, I don’t earn enough to brag. Every month rolls by when we’ve spent all of our money on the mortgage, bills and food shopping. But I earn too much to be able to give it all up for something completely different. And I don’t know anything else. I have spent 8 years training in the job that I do. 8 years I have been doing this and yet regularly I am questioning if I am even capable of it anymore. I am unable to earn less. And yet there isn’t another job that I could earn the same money in because I don’t have the experience.

It’s a horrible feeling. Going to work and wanting to be somewhere else. Having quite a successful career and wishing you were stacking the shelves of a supermarket instead.

I kind of long for more of a mundane life. One where I’m rushing around less, one where I spend a bit more time as a mother and one that doesn’t require me to think about my job and what needs doing while I’m trying to go to sleep.

But here I am, walking from Waterloo station to my office. Going to somewhere I don’t really want to be, doing the job I’m not really sure I want to do anymore and knowing that I am well and truly stuck in a position that I cannot get out of.

I could change company again. See if that helps. I could beg with my tail between my legs for my job back at my old place, where I was 100% confident in what I was doing and 100% confident in the people I was working with. But would any of that help? Would I feel any happier doing this job in another company? Ive already tried it once and I don’t feel any happier. Just maybe a bit worse that the discovery has been that actually it’s maybe not where I work but that I’m just not really enjoying the job anymore.

Like I say, stuck!

I feel better for getting that all out though!

As an office worker, blogger and social media lover, I rely on the internet in my day to day living. My other half often comments on how much I use social media, especially now that I blog. In work I rely on the internet to look at venues, get designs done and get information over to clients amongst many other things.

Today at work, our internet and phones went down. They were still down at the time I left the office. The MD was having a go at the providers who were slowly sending an engineer to us (they hadn’t arrived when I left), stating how they could be costing us hundreds of thousands of pounds because people can’t get their approvals done without the internet/phones (I think he may have been a bit OTT).

And it got me thinking and my team talking about work pre internet. When I think back to when the older generations worked, they got stuff done, albeit a little slower but it got done. Deadlines would have been met, tasks would have been completed and people would have gone home to their families for tea. The internet and other such technologies seem to have brought added pressures and more work.

People sitting at their desks until late into the evening missing quality family time.

People going home and being attached to their work Blackberry’s, emailing colleagues and clients after they have technically switched off.

People taking their laptops home over the christmas break and people emailing from the beach whilst on holiday (my old boss was guilty of this!).

It seems that with the huge enhancement in the technical world, workers have a huge amount of added pressure to get things done outside of their usual work times.

And where did the 9 – 5.30 hours come in? I don’t remember Dolly Parton singing those times; it was definitely 9-5. But oh no, somewhere along the line someone slung in an extra half hour!

As a working parent, I want to be able to do my job within the hours I’ve been set. I have a work Blackberry but I only use it in absolute emergencies or when I’m on site at an event. I don’t mind working the extra hours if absolutely necessary, it does come with my job after all. But wouldn’t it be nice if just for a moment, bosses could remember that once upon a time there was no such thing as the internet and mobile phones. That for some of them, they used to work perfectly well without it and that staff don’t need these added pressures in what is already incredibly pressurised work environments.

That people have families, loved ones, even pets to get home to. That work is not the be all and end all of life.

I know at the end most people would prefer to be known for living their lives to the full rather than being a workaholic!

Let’s have a word with the people running the internet and mobile providers and see if they can down tools and switch it all off for a whole day.

Oh hang on a minute, that means I can’t check my Facebook!!

Sometimes when I look at Zach, I can’t help wondering what he’ll grow up to be. He’s too young to tell me at the moment but I have no doubt that if he could, he would be something like an astronaut, fireman or digger – the usual toddler job. But I do wonder what will he be. A lawyer, a builder, an office worker? We grow up working our way through several job aspirations – some a bit stranger than others!

The youngest I can remember thinking about what I wanted to be was a teacher at the age of about seven. I had the usual blackboard that I just loved writing on and I used to pretend that I had a room full of children (that was usually a line of teddies) that I would ‘teach’!

A while after that, probably when I was about 10, I changed my career track to being a librarian. I was fascinated with libraries even though I was rubbish in them because you had to be quiet and I wasn’t very good at that! The thing I most loved though was the date stamp. It made the most fantastic noise and I always wanted to have a go, hence I wanted to work in a library where they used them all the time!

Not long after that, I wanted to be a checkout operator because of the scanner. When we used to get home from our weekly shopping trip, I would ‘scan’ everything over the top of the cooker before it went into the cupboards (yep, I just admitted that!). It was an electric hob and had the little rectangle warning light that would come on while it was hot – that was my little scanner! I used to drive my mum and dad crazy because unpacking took a whole lot longer when I was around!

Roll on a few years and reading through the then latest edition of Smash Hits magazine, I decided I wanted to be a magazine journalist. I must have known in my head that I would be terrible at that job as rather than specialising in journalism at university, I went for film, tv and radio studies. While I was at uni, I worked on the checkouts in the local supermarket – bam, one life ambition ticked!

Upon leaving university, I worked in another supermarket in an office based role but I also got to use the checkouts which were far better ones than the other supermarket I’d worked in! I felt like I’d won big time!

I wasn’t in that job long before I got myself into a proper office and guess what? They had one of those library date stamps that I got to use every day for a few months. Life ambition number two ticked!

And so I find myself now working as an event manager – not the job I thought I’d end up in but nevertheless a job I enjoy. There is however a constant nagging in my head that there is only one of my boxes that hasn’t been ticked and certainly since becoming a mum, I wished I’d decided to stick with my first love and become a teacher. That, or a midwife.

Maybe one day a career change will be on the cards. I would love to go back and re-train but sadly finances do not allow for such things at this stage of my life.

I hope that Zach fulfills his dreams like I did as he grows up…whether it’s becoming a pilot or scanning a tin of beans and that he doesn’t look back thinking I wish I’d done that instead!!

What did you want to be when you were growing up and what did you end up as? I’d love to hear your stories

Are your children at the age yet where they have told you what they want to be? What are their current dreams?

It’s my last week of work until after Christmas and it has felt like the last week of school when all you really do is have fun!

The social committee at my work are pretty good and along with organising the Christmas party this coming Thursday, they have also arranged a Christmas pod off. Each of our working teams are in sections and each section is one pod. Therefore, each team has to decorate their own pod. The criteria for this was that it had to be themed on a Christmas movie. On Thursday, before the celebrations for the party start, the company owner and MD will come round and have to guess the movie and then judge on who deserves to win. There is a small prize up for grabs but the real prize is the glory for the next year. To say we have gone all out and that we want to win is an understatement! And looking at our pod, we are serious contenders!

We have had team meetings to discuss the task, there’s been a PowerPoint slide, we have got our creative juices flowing and we have delivered! There has been the noise of scissors cutting, of pens drawing, of sellotape sticking. It’s probably taken us a whole day in total  to complete!

So…can you guess the film?!!

In other fun – the big boss’ children popped in today – apparently it’s a yearly thing as at school they make up jam jars of sweets for everyone in the office! So I have this little lovely on my desk full of some of my yummy favourites (how did they know I love chocolate coins and chocolate éclairs?!).

After nine and a half years at my work, I have officially handed my notice in.

I can’t believe I am actually leaving.

I tried it once before but my current manager poached me for her team and it’s thanks to her that I am in the position to be able to move on.

I went for an interview a couple of weeks ago.

I was asked back to a second interview.

I was offered the job.

I asked for more money and more flexible start and finish times, expecting them to say no, don’t be silly.

They came back accepting everything I asked for and the job was mine for the taking.

I gave it a lot of thought and I accepted the job.

I’m hoping I’ve done the right thing.

I have been spoiled by my workplace.

With their flexibility and understanding.

When my Dad was sick they were amazing and I will be forever thankful that they allowed me time off to spend with him throughout his final days.
I was told not to even think about work – it would still be there afterwards whereas my Dad would not be. They made everything that I had to deal with at that time, being 6 months pregnant, so much easier.

Nine and a half years is a long time with one company, especially when you started straight out of university.

I feel like a part of the furniture, a part of the family.

I will miss my team.

I will miss the familiarity, the safeness.

I am stepping out into the unknown.

A new company.

Where I have to build up the trust that I have gained from my current employer.

A new challenge awaits me.

I’m excited and nervous.

I know it’s the right thing for me.

No matter how many times I ask myself if it is the right thing.

On October 20th I shall be starting afresh.

Learning a whole new section of the events world.

Bonding with a whole new group of people.

Getting used to a whole new commute.

It’s going to be great.

It’s going to be scary.

It’s a brand new start for me

Yesterday was a day that I was reminded of how it used to be, back when I was on maternity leave or even the one day off a week I used to have when it was just me and my boy. I always thought that the initial going back to work would be hard. After 9 precious months off, going back was actually a lot easier than anticipated. I got to dress in normal clothes, talk to adults and do a job that I really enjoy doing. Back then, Zach didn’t really do much and I never felt like I was missing out on a great deal; he even saved his first steps for a Saturday so that I didn’t miss them.

It’s now though as he is speedily approaching 2, that I feel a constant deflation when I’m not with him. I know he has an epic time all week long; he spends 3 days with my Mum who he absolutely adores and 2 days in nursery which he loves. He is fine. He asks for me but he doesn’t spend his whole day sad and feeling like he’s lost a limb. That feeling is just for me. I spend all day wondering what he is doing, wondering what new things I’m missing (because there is something new every day now), and just feeling that I am missing out on my little boy’s growing up.

And so it brings me back to yesterday when his Daddy was out for the afternoon.

It was just me and him.

Just us again like it used to be.

We painted a masterpiece…
we threw sand over ourselves. we sat together. we laughed…

we kissed.

we cuddled.

It was quite simply bliss.

And now it’s Monday. Another week of work. Another 5 days before I get to spend consistent hours with him. No-one said this parenting life was going to be easy but by far this is the hardest part of it.

Keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table is the most important thing but by god what I wouldn’t do for a lottery win!
So how did you feel when you went back to work? Has it got harder, easier?

Do you even love going to work and not spending your days talking baby talk and covered in some form of mess?!

Have you not gone back yet and I have just worried you into oblivion? I hope that if it’s the latter, I can be of help to you if you need it and that if it’s the first one, you can make me feel better by knowing I’m not alone in these feelings!

I’d really love to hear your comments…there must be lots of you out there!