Mummascribbles – It's not all smelling like roses!  – Mummascribbles

I’ve said before that I am always honest on this blog. It’s all well and good showing off the wonderful things in life but it needs to be real and not everything is wonderful 100% of the time. 

If you read my post on Monday about our first day home alone, you’d think that life was fantastic; that I’m an amazing mum, a supermum and that the transition from being a mum of one to a mum of two has come really easily. 

WRONG!!

Monday appeared to be a one off. Well, I say a one off – if we are out, I’m finding that everything is fine. It’s when we are home that the problems arise.

I wrote about the issues we were having with Zach shortly before Oscar was due and how I was worried about how he would be once he was here. Unfortunately nothing has changed and I am reduced to tears on a daily basis. I don’t think there has been a day since Monday that I haven’t cried. Of course, 3 weeks after giving birth, my hormones are all over the place and it doesn’t take a huge amount to make me cry but poor Zach keeps having a sobbing mummy in front of him. 

He is just being awful to me. 

He regularly tells me he doesn’t like me.

He regularly tells me he doesn’t love me.

He is asking for daddy a lot more which is an issue when daddy is at work/out.

He is refusing to help me. Absolutely everything is a battle that I just don’t have the energy to fight. 

He is purposefully doing things for a reaction. I know this. But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. He has this ruddy smirk on his face when he’s doing something he shouldn’t for the tenth time and then says ‘it’s funny’. I assure him that it’s not funny. 

I feel like I have no control. A lot of this happens when Oscar is feeding so I am unable to do anything 

On Thursday night the other half went out after work – a bit of a tester to see how I’ll deal with the regular Tuesday nights when he’s at footie – so I had to do food and bedtime alone.  It was a nightmare. Zach purposefully tried to wake Oscar up when I asked him not to because I was making him some food. He then faffed around with brushing his teeth whilst Oscar was writhing around on my lap. Then upstairs he refused to help me by getting himself undressed and laid on his front while I tried to get him in his pj’s, with his head under the pillow and his legs flailing around everywhere. Meanwhile Oscar was screaming for more food despite having fed twice in a short period before we went upstairs (he’s using me as a soother at the moment!). It was a bloody nightmare and of course I ended up in tears. Full on sobbing. Of course, Zach’s face immediately changed, realising that he’d pushed me too far and looking sorrowful. He then apologised. A real genuine apology. We then had cuddles and read a story while I fed Oscar! 

Of course it’s not his fault. I should have expected this and I did a little bit. I just didn’t think it would be this hard and I definitely didn’t expect to keep breaking down in tears. 

I have since found out that I am not alone. This is incredibly common and there are plenty of other mummies of two (or more), struggling exactly the same way I am.

I guess I’ll just have to stop wearing mascara for a while!