Mummascribbles – To my first born…I'm sorry – Mummascribbles

Dear Zachary, my first born,

Ever since your gorgeous little brother came into our family, you have been thrust into the madness of having a sibling. No longer having mummy and daddy’s full attention and suddenly having this expectation on you that you behave like the sensible big brother, that you should suddenly know what is right and what is wrong. 

It’s been a pretty crap few months with us all being ill but really,  you have dealt with it amazingly. Your brother has now been coughing for weeks and for you it’s just become a way of life.

It’s meant that there’s been a lot of mummy having to hold Oscar because if he lays down he just coughs.

It’s meant that I may have not been able to do things with you or I’ve been tired because he’s woken up coughing several times in the night and ended up taking half my bed space up because he wanted to be directly next to me instead of in his snuzpod. 

It’s meant that there has been an awful lot of you watching television. Countless episodes of Ben & Holly, Peppa Pig and whatever is on Cbeebies.

It’s meant that there have been times when we’ve had to stay home because the weather has been bad for colds or that we haven’t been to Dinky Dancers on a Friday because Oscar has been coughing too much. 

It’s meant that I’ve been short with you. When Oscar has just fallen asleep after a massive coughing fit and you decide you are hungry or need the toilet and I’ve got frustrated with your impeccable timing. 

You’ve had to put up with a really crap time and I’m sorry that it’s been this way.

But I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for not taking anything our on your brother. For loving him, for caring about him, for being concerned when I’ve had to take him to the doctors or the hospital. 

I want to thank you for not moaning when out plans have changed or when I’ve had to do something boring instead of something fun. 

I want to thank you for keeping a watchful eye on your brother when we are in the car and I am panicking because he’s got ‘the coughs’. Thank you for wiping the bubbles and the mucus from his mouth to keep him clear and thank you for making the clicking noise that he seems to find soothing when we are sat at traffic lights and he is unhappy.

Thank you for not minding when Oscar is attached to me. For not being jealous or angry that he is taking the most of my attention. You’ve  had a nasty cough too but you can deal with it so much better than your brother can. Nevertheless, you’ve been poorly and needed your mama too. 

I have been so proud of you over the last few months. The way you have adapted to your role of big brother. You are a truly beautiful little boy and we are so lucky that you are ours. Oscar is so lucky that you are his.  

I am willing this stupid cough away. So that Oscar feels better, so that I can be a better mother and so that we can start having the fun that we should have been having since he arrived into our lives.

Sorry Zachary. 

Sorry that you’ve finally got mummy home and the beginning has been a bit rubbish. 

Sorry that I may have shouted a few too many times. 

Sorry that the most used phrase of mine is ‘don’t wake your brother up’. 

Sorry that my most used word is ‘no’. 

I really hope that our little Oscar is better soon and that I don’t have to worry quite so much. That I can pay more attention to you and that the three of us can have lots of fun throughout the rest of my maternity leave.  

I love you darling boy. 

I truly love you. 

Mummy

xxx