Mummascribbles – Working mums – Life, Motherhood & Everything – Mummascribbles

As a working mum, some days I find it extremely difficult while on others it’s nice to be able to sit and have a hot cup of tea without having to wipe a nose or change a nappy! I know there are a heck of a lot of working mums out there, some love it, some hate it, others are somewhere in the middle. I thought it would be interesting to see exactly how others feel about being a working mum and maybe we can all learn a little something about dealing with that dreaded mummy guilt!

This week we have Angela from Life, Motherhood & Everything answering all of those working mummy questions.

Tell me a little bit about who is in your family
It’s me, my husband Sam of almost 7 years and our daughter H who turned 1 in January.

What age were your children when you returned to work?
H was 11.5 months when I returned to work in January this year.

Did you return to a job away from the home or within the home?
I went back to work at my company’s office in central London, so I have a 2.5 hour round-trip commute on my working days. It’s a blessing and a curse because it feels like wasted time on some days, but on others I relish having some quiet time. Although I often have to use at least one of the journeys to catch-up on work!

Did you choose to return or did your circumstances force you back?
We were fortunate that it was a choice for us. I had always intended to go back before I went on Maternity Leave; I enjoy my job and have worked hard to get where I am. In December before going back I did have a massive wobble about whether I was doing the right thing. However, I knew I wouldn’t personally be the best Mum I could be if I were always at home. I’m also a massive believer in the statement “You can’t be what you can’t see.” so I want my daughter to grow-up seeing me working and knowing that nothing is off limits for her as she grows up just because she is female.

Did you return to work full or part time?
I went back part time – I do 3.5 days over 3, Tuesday to Thursday. I always knew I would want to go back part time if I ever had a child, but I was torn between 3 and 4 days. Then when I was 2 months pregnant my Mum suddenly passed-away and it made me reflect back on my childhood a lot. I remembered her always being there when I was younger and it made me decide that I personally wanted to have more days at home with H than days at work.

What childcare do you have in place and how did you go about choosing it?  
We don’t have any family close by so H is in nursery on my working days. Sam does the drop-off in the morning because he drives to work and used to leave at 7:30am anyway. It means I can get an early train to and from work so it’s quieter (well, quiet for a London commute!). We didn’t have a clue what we were doing when looking for childcare. We looked at location, facilities, what food was provided and just listen to our instincts – you ultimately get a vibe from a place. Two NCT mum friends also chose the same nursery which gave me some extra reassurance!

What do you find the most difficult about being a working mum?
Now I’ve settled into my new routine, the thing I find hardest is delays on the train! In the morning it annoys me as I know I’ll have to make-up work time but I get in early so don’t usually arrive late for any meetings. On the way home though it really stresses me out because I’m supposed to collect H. Sam is closer than me and can easily collect her on the way home in an emergency. But I like to get her just after 5pm so we have some time together before bed as I only see her for 5 minutes in the morning. Fortunately train delays on my line haven’t happened too much so far, but when they have, they’ve been bad.

How do you deal with the working mummy guilt?
I have a really bad guilt complex. So before going back to work I gave myself a talking to about needing to manage better and used my blog to try and get my thoughts out. I haven’t always been successful but every time I feel guilty I remind myself about my priorities. I’m lucky that H LOVES nursery so I actually never feel guilt about leaving her except on the odd occasion when she’s feeling a bit poorly (although even then she’s got a great bond with her Key Worker so gets lots of sympathy and cuddles). I generally feel guilt about not doing enough at work, but I benchmark myself against what I did when working full time so it’s all self-inflicted!

How did you feel when it was time to go back to work?
A real mix of emotions: excited, happy, anxious and a bit scared of messing-up! For the first few weeks I felt lonely without H being there; I knew she was safe but I missed her. That improved quite quickly but I realised after that that my confidence levels had taken a real hit after a 13 month break. I’ve been back for 3 months and I would only say now that my confidence has fully come back! I don’t think people realise the affect a long break from work can have on your confidence, so I intend to make an extra effort to support colleagues in a similar position going forward even if they appear ‘fine’.

Is your work/life balance what you want it to be or would you rather work less or more?
Overall I am really happy with the balance I have. I enjoy my days off with H and see them as special Mummy-H days; I’m strict with myself and don’t check my work emails very often. At work I’m still struggling to come to terms with the limitations my career now has – my ability to progress upwards is effectively blocked my working hours. But I keep reminding myself that progressing-up isn’t the only way to grow and develop in my role so it’s just about finding a new focus – something I am working on now.

When H reaches school age, I can see myself going back to 4 days but perhaps with 1 day a week at home if I can. That’s a few years away yet though!

What advice would you give to a mummy heading back to work?
Going back to work after a long break is hard without the additional worry about leaving your precious little one with someone else. But once you’ve made the decision to go back then you just need to focus on how so it doesn’t become a worry. Doing early settle sessions and extra mornings with your childcare provider really helps with separation; This has the added benefit that you can have some personal time to do chores / shopping / sit and watch ’This Morning’ with a cuppa! 

I’d recommend popping into work before you go back to agree what you’ll be doing and negotiate your return plan with your boss, including a ramp-up if you’re going back full time. It also helps to just be in the work environment to remind you what it’s like before you go back!

Then remember, the first few days with be exhausting and quite emotionally draining as you try get used to everything. But you’ll adapt back quickly and find your confidence returns slowly. So just give yourself a break and take it one day at a time!

Thanks so much for taking part in this Angela, what an interesting interview. I am so sorry that your mum passed away so early on in your pregnancy. I lost my dad when I was 7 months and losing someone so close really does have such a massive effect at such an emotional time. It sounds like you have dealt with the return to work really well and I love the attitude you have in terms of your daughter seeing you as a working mum. It sounds like you have the balance just right although I totally know what you mean about the trains. Getting to nursery on time can be such a stressful thing. I hope your working and mummy balance continue to go as well as it is now. 

Along with her blog Life, Motherhood & Everything, you can also find Angela over on Twitter. 

I’ve been nominated for ‘working parent blogger of the year’ at the mumandworking awards. If you’d like to vote for me just click on the image below to take you to the voting form!