Mummy guilt – Mummascribbles

This morning was crap. This morning made me hate every bit of being a working mum. It’s never easy but this morning was on another level and had me almost bursting into tears on the way into work. I don’t know why this morning I was feeling extra emotional but I just feel like a really crappy mum today.

It’s horrible having to get daddy to wake up your sleeping child – the same sleeping child who fought sleep the previous night, finally falling asleep at 9.30pm meaning he really wanted some extra sleep this morning. Why could I not just let him sleep until he wakes up naturally? Because I have to get to work.

It’s horrible having to try and get him dressed and ready for nursery when he’s crying because he didn’t want daddy to go to work minutes after seeing him. Why could I not just sit there and comfort him for five, ten, twenty minutes until he was happy again? Because I have to get to work.

It’s horrible having to rush him brushing his teeth which then pees him off and stops him brushing his teeth. Why can’t we just take our time so that he doesn’t need to get upset and brushes successfully? Because I have to get to work.

It’s horrible having to stop his fun. He was happily playing on the iPad but mean mummy made him stop…because she has to get to work.

It’s then horrible having to get him in the car, in the freezing cold weather,  when he still wants the iPad and wants daddy (who has gone to work!) to strap him in, resulting in a crying toddler and an almost crying mummy – all because I have to get to work.

It’s horrible when all of the above means you end up leaving the house ten minutes after you should do, meaning that the nursery drop off is a rush, meaning instead of letting him casually walk to the front door, I have to carry him; instead of him taking his time walking up the stairs to his room, I have to carry him up; instead of him ambling into his room, I have to plonk him on the chair ready for his breakfast, quickly nab a kiss goodbye and run. Because I have to get to work.

That was just the start of my rubbish morning. Leaving nursery as a guilt ridden mum, I then became a guilty worker because the traffic was appalling. I am not going to moan about my journey – just state that it took me an hour to do what should be a ten minute drive and therefore missed every train that would get me into work on time, every train that would get me in a little bit late, every train that would get me in even later, eventually catching the train that would get me in an hour late. The reason I am not going to moan is because this morning someone lost their life in a horrible car crash on the M25. This meant that both sides were closed for several junctions and living mere seconds from the M25, this means every road within my area was gridlocked. Hence it took me an hour to do that ten minute journey. For me, I was an hour late – for a family somewhere out there, they have lost a loved one two weeks before Christmas. Not worth moaning about but the situation made me even more emotional than I already was.

And so I got into work at 10am. And I still have to rush out of the door at 4.30pm to go and do the nursery run again.  It’s days like this that I hate being the one that has to do the shepherding Zach around to wherever I need him to be so that I can get to work. I hate that I have to be the one rushing him around, getting him to do everything quick fast so I’m not late. I hate that we can’t have relaxed mornings, pj days, days where we do nothing but play and have fun. It’s no secret that I hate being a working mum. I’m lucky that I have a job I enjoy but I would give it all up tomorrow if I could, to not have to get Zach up at the crack of dawn and to spend my days watching him grow

Eugh, I have the serious mummy guilt today!